
»— . upwagjoar* 



EEN-ROOM EDITION 



OF 



COPYRIGHTED PLAYS 



The Club Friend 



OR 



A Fashionable Physician 



BY 



SYDNEY ROSENFELD 




THE DE WITT PUBLISHING HOUSE 
NEW YORK 



THE CLUB FRLEND 



OR 



A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN 



2ln ©riQinal ComeDg in 3fouc Sets 



r 

SYDNEY ROSENFELD 

Author of ^*A Possible Case/' ''Imagination/^ **A House ol 
Cards/' "The Passing Show"; co-author of "The 
Senator"; adapter of ''The Two Escut- 
cheons," etc., etc 




THE DE WITT PUBLISHING HOUSE 

NEW YORK 

1897 



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Copyright, 1897 
By Svdnky Rosenfeld. 



_^Tt271 



COPYRIGHT NOTICE AND WARNING. 

This play is fully protected by the copyright law, all re- 
quirements of which have been complied with. In its 
present printed form it is dedicated to the reading public 
only, and no performances of it may be given without the 
written permission of the author, who may be addressed in 
care of the publisher. 

The subjoined is an extract from the law relating to copy- 
right : 

Sec. 4996. Any person publicly performing or representing 
any dramatic or musical composition for which a copyright has 
been obtained, without the consent of the proprietor of said 
dramatic or musical composition or his heirs or assigns, shall be 
liable for damages therefor, such damages in all cases to be 
assessed at such sum not less than one hundred dollars for the 
first and fifty dollars for every subsequent performance as to the 
Court shall appear to be just. If the unlawful performance and 
representation be willful and for profit, such person or persons 
shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction be impris- 
oned for a period not exceeding one year. 



%ii%3 



AUTHOR'S PREFACE. 

Encouraged by the protection afforded by the new copy- 
right law, I venture to dedicate this comedy to the read- 
ing public, without fear of impairing my stage rights. This 
act of mine is, I know, an incursion into the domain of 
literature that may prove dangerous ; for, in laying my 
work thus bare, I have no longer the magnetic presence of 
my actors to gloss over my defects, nor can I screen my 
faults behind theirs. But I have always maintained that 
justice to both actor and author demanded the printing and 
publishing of a play, and it is my intention to include other 
acted plays of mine in the present series. 

In view of the fact that this play is still to be performed, 
I wish to submit a few suggestions. The character of Stuy- 
vesant Filbert should be played rather by a light comedian 
with a leaning towards " leading " work, than by a leading 
man who leans towards comedy, for the keynote of his ec- 
centricties is found in the words : " Once give a man a rep- 
utation for levity, and it is the most difificult thing in the 
world for him to be credited with one grave emotion." The 
comedy spirit should be dominant in this performance. 

The ages of the two principal ladies, as expressed in the 
cast, do not convey all that is necessary about their demeanor. 
The subject of feminine age (especially on the stage) is 
both delicate and misleading. Mrs. Oaks would probably 
fall to the leading lady, and Sylvia to the leading juvenile ; 
but there should be a certain weight and dignity in the per- 
formance of Mrs. Oaks, and a certain animated girlishness 



/lUTHOR'S PREFACE. 

in that of Sylvia, not quite measurable by their respective 
years. 

The character of Dr. Jarvis really started me on writing 
this play. I wanted to depict the modern fashionable society 
physician, as distinguished from the earnest doctor who has 
done such noble service in so many plays. He should have 
an attractive personality, and a great deal of repose. While 
serving the dramatic purpose of " villain " in my play, this 
purpose is disguised by an outward charm and amiability. 

The motive of the play was, I had flattered myself, to 
deal with the insincerity and frivolity of a certain class of 
medical practitioners, well-known in the metropolis. But of 
course I may have deceived myself in believing my comedy 
to have had any purpose whatever. 

I wish to say in conclusion, that one other strong motive 
governed my printing this play, and that was the opportunity 
of adding a preface, a privilege that is denied the dramatist. 

S. R. 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 

As first performed at the Boston Museum, August 17 th, 
1891. 

Stuyvesant Filbert, A friend from the Club, [aged yj). 

Mr. Roland Reed. 

Akram Oaks, A wealthy merchant, (aged i,'-)). 

Mr. Charles A. Smiley. 

Makepeace Frawley, A well-meaning old gentleman, (agt'd 60). 

Mr. William Davidge. 

Maximilian Frawley, His son, (aged 22). 

Mr. William Friend. 
Dr. Percival Jarvis, A fashionable phvsician, (aged i^o). 

Mr. George F. Nash. 
\\\-LVii^?., Office boy to Dr. farvis. Mr. Julian Reed. 

Mrs. Oaks, Abra7n Oaks' wife, (aged 29). Miss Isadore Rush. 
Sylvia, Mr. Oaks' young sister and ward. Miss Percy Haswell. 
Mrs. Frawley, The mother of Maximilian, (aged ^o). 

Mrs. Mary Myers. 

Mabel Douglas, (aged 16). Miss Edna Wallace. 

Mollie, Maid at the Oahs\ Miss Genevra Ingersoll. 

ACT I, Home of Abram Oaks. 

ACT II. Home of Makepeace Frawley. 

ACT III. Dr. Jarvis' Office. 

ACT IV. Private parlor at Filbert's hotel. 

TIME: THE PRESENT.- 

COSTUMES OF THE PRESENT DA Y. 

TIME IN PL A YING : TWO HO URS. 




i 



THE CLUB FRIEND 

OR 

A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN 



ACT I. 

SCENE: Sittzng-'room at Abram Oaks'. 

DISCO VER : MOLLIE, a maid,— emerging from 
Mrs. Oaks' room R., and crossing as En- 
ter hurriedly, C./rom L., Mr. Oaks. 

Oaks. Mollie, is Mrs. Oaks in her room } 

MoLLiE. Yes, sir. 

Oaks. {Starting to go into room). Very well. 

Moll. You mustn't go in there, sir ! 

Oaks. Why not ? 

Moll. The doctor sa^-s she mustn't see nobody, sir. 

Oaks. Which doctor ? 

Moll. Doctor Jarvis. 

Oaks. Why, what's the matter ! Mrs. Oaks was all right 
when I left her this morning ! 

Moll. Yes, sir, but she was took with a spell of nerves 
after you left this morning, and she sent for Doctor Jarvis. 

Oaks. And he's forbidden her to see any one ? 

Moll. Yes, sir. 

Oaks. Any one except her husband, of course. {Start- 
ing to go again. Crossing R.), 



2 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Moll. No, you mustn't, sir ! He's more particular about 
her not seeing you than anybody else. 

Oaks. {In comic surprise). Good gracious ! How ex- 
traordinary ! Not to see her own husband ! She must be 
very bad indeed ! 

Moll. Doctor Jarvis says to me, says he- " MoUie, no 
one — do you understand me } — no one ! " " Not even Mr. 
Oaks? "says I. " Him least of all," says he. "Lor! "says 
I. " Yes," says he, '* it would excite her more to see her hus- 
band than any one else," says he. 

Oaks. You may go, Mollie. 

Moll. Of course, sir ; I am going to the drug-store to 
have a prescription made up. Doctor Jarvis is waiting for 
it. 

Oaks. Doctor Jarvis is waiting } Where is he waiting? 

Moll. In there with Mrs. Oaks, sir. 

{Exit Mollie. C. D.). 

Oaks. {Alone). Well, this is rich ! This is very rich ! 
I must keep away from my wife and her nerves, while 
Percival Jarvis M. D., holds the fort in there. If I had to 
start life all over again I'd be a doctor and make nerve 
troubles a specialty ! {Crossing L). 

{Enter Sylvia through arch tip L.). 

Sylvia. Hello, Abram ! What brings you up from 
down town at this hour of the day ? 

Oaks. Evelyn sent for me. 

Syl. Oh! 

Oaks. And now that I'm here she can't see me ! {Sits 
on sofa L. C). 

Syl. Why, what's the matter ? 

Oaks. Doctor Jarvis. 

Syl. What do you mean ? 



1 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 3 

Oaks. Evelyn has nerve trouble, and Doctor Jarvis 
won't let anybody see her. 

Syl. Is Doctor Jarvis in there with Evelyn ? 

Oaks. Yes. 

Syl. Oh, how lovely ! {Starts to run off, R.). 

Oaks. You mustn't go in there ! 

Syl. Oh, Doctor Jarvis won't mind me ! He's the 
sweetest man ! 

Oaks. (Gruffly). I shouldn't wonder ! I don't approve 
of sweet men. 

Syl. (Kneeling on chair and leaning over back of same). 
No, Abram, if you had your way we'd all be treated by 
Doctor Flaxman. He belongs to your old school, and he 
gives us the nastiest doses to take, and such lots of them, and 
he's so rough, and he always hurts you when he feels your 
pulse. I hate him ! Now Doctor Jarvis is just the sweetest, 
kindest, softest, gentlest man I ever saw. (Oaks rises itn- 
patienily ; crosses to mantle, 7?.). When he feels your pulse 
he does it very tenderly, and he never prescribes anything 
that isn't simply delicious to take, and when he looks at you 
and smiles, you feel half cured before you get the medicine. 

Oaks. Oh, indeed ! You have evidently been treated by 
him. 

Syl. Oh, lots of times. Doctor Jarvis has a way about 
him that 

Oaks. That's very nice. It's a lovely system. He 
makes himself so popular that he gets patients who have 
nothing the matter with them, so he never fails to cure 
them. {Crossing to C). It's a lovely system. 

{Enter Dr. Jarvis). 

Syl. Ah, Doctor! {Runs to him, and takes his hand). 
Dr. Jarvis. {Very suavely). Ah, Sylvia ! {Then greet- 
ing Mr. Oaks). Mr. Oaks ! 
Oaks. How do you do, Doctor. 



4 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Dr. J. (Crosses to Oaks; Sylvia goes to mantel). 
Mrs. Oaks will be able to see you in a little while. I^thought 
it better during her acute attack for her to see no one. 
{Starts up. Stops with sudden thought). Oh — she tells 
me you had invited a club friend to dinner to-night. Of 
course, under the circumstances, it would be as well to put 
this dinner off. 

Oaks. {^Disappointed). I hope not. Doctor. Don't you 
think it would be possible to bring Mrs. Oaks round suffi- 
ciently to receive my friend this evening } Surely there can 
be nothing very seriously the matter with her, and 

Dr. J. Everything in medicine is serious ; we can't 
afford to ignore even the slightest premonitory symptoms — 

Oaks. True — true ! I wouldn't contradict you for the 
world. Sylvia, run in to Evelyn, give her my love, and tell 
her I will put my friend off for this evening. There, you 
see. Doctor, how regardful I am. 

{Exit Sylvia R., running). 

Dr. J. {Smiles). 

Oaks. {To Dr. J., who is moving off). By the way, 
Doctor, we haven't seen much of you at the club lately — 
you used to be the heart and soul of our monthly dinners. 
{Sits in armchair by fireplace, R.). 

Dr. J. Other duties, you know, Mr. Oaks. 

Oaks. Oh, yes — very likely. But you fashionable doc- 
tors have so many other duties. A german one night — a 
whist party another — private theatricals another — I tell you 
medicine is branching out in many directions. 

Dr. J. {Putting on glasses). Always facetious, Mr, 
Oaks! 

Oaks. You oughtn't to have missed last night's dinner. 
Mr. Stuyvesant Filbert, of San Francisco, held forth. You 
know Filbert, or Styve rather— everybody calls him Styve. 

Dr. J. I haven't had that pleasure. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 5 

Oaks. He's a new member, one of the brightest fellows 
in the club. He's the man I had invited to dinner. I hope 
Mrs. Oaks will change her mind, and you will allow me to 
have him. 

{Enter Sylvia, R.). 

Syl. Evelyn's just doing up her hair. {Crossing up to 
piano, L, C). 

Oaks. (Rising). I know what that means — she's about 
to emerge. Well, good-bye, Doctor. Call soon again. 

Dr. J. {Smiling). Good-bye. 

Oaks. I mean I hope she won't need you — that is 

Dr. J. I shall look in on my way home and see how my 
patient is. {Lattghs). 

{Exit Dr. Jarvis, C. to L.). 

Oaks. {At door). Au revoir ! A funny thing to say to 
a doctor — {To Sylvia, quickly) — to any doctor but Doc- 
tor Jarvis, of course. {Starts to go into Mrs. Oaks' room?) 

Syl. {Detaining him). Oh, Abram, I want to speak 
to you a moment on my own account. 

Oaks. Nothing serious ? 

Syl. No — more grotesque than serious. Listen. I was 
calling on Mrs. Frawley yesterday to report to her the num- 
ber of tickets I needed for her charade next month, and I 
was introduced to a very singular gentleman. 

Oaks. Singular! 

Syl. That's the only word that fits him. He was just 
as charming as he could be, but he wasn't like any other 
gentleman. He took my hand the first minute I was intro- 
duced to him and held it for a moment and said : " What 
name ? " " Oaks," said I. " No," said he, " are you sure ? " 
"Sure of my own name!" I answered;"! think I am." 
" Remarkable ! " he said ; " just her eyes and her hair, too ! 
How long has your name been Oaks } I mean," said he, 



6 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

"how old are you?" I was just getting angry when he 
corrected himself, and said : " Pardon my bluntness, but you 
remind me very much of a lady I knew a dozen years ago." 

Oaks. A dozen.' How old was he.? 

Syl. Forty, maybe ; he's a bachelor, just returned from 
California. 

Oaks. {Adding). And he's very rich ? 

Syl. Yes. 

Oaks. And he's slightly gray at the side ? 

Syl. Slightly. 

Oaks. And his name is Filbert — Stuyvesant Filbert.-' 

Syl. Stuyvesant — yes, Stuyvesant something. Mrs. 
Frawley called him Styve. 

Oaks. (Laughing). Well — well — well ! That is a co- 
incidence ! (Crossing L. C). 

Syl. You know him .' (He nods). I am so glad ! He's 
coming to see us. 

Oaks. Did you invite him ? 

Syl. No. He didn't wait to be invited. " I'm going to 
call on this young lady," he said to Mrs. Frawley. " Are 
you?" said she. " Yes, and you are going to take me." 
" Am I ; when ? " said Mrs. Frawley. " As soon as you 
like," he said, and he's going to come. I am not so 
sorry now that you know him, but it was rather sudden, 
wasn't it ? 

Oaks. Not for Styve ! 

(Enter Mrs. Oaks, R ; she is in a morning goiun). 

Oaks, (foining her and piiHing her on divan, R.). Ah, 
my dear, I'm glad you are able to be about. I was quite 
alarmed vi^hen I got your note. I hope you feel well 
enough to change your mind ; you do, don't you, dear ? 
You won't insist on my sending word to my friend not to 
dine with us this evening. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN, 7 

Mrs. Oaks. I am sorrry to disappoint you, my dear, 
but it will be impossible for this evening. 

Oaks. That's too bad, too bad ; you would have found 
him a most delightful companion. (Crossing behind her to 

{Enter IMollie, C. frotn L.). 

Moll. Mrs. Oaks, Mrs. Frawley is in the reception 
room. 

Mrs. O. Sylvia, go down to Mrs. Frawley and entertain 
her for a few minutes. 

{Exit Sylvia, C, with maid). 

Oaks. And is that your final decision about Mr, Fil- 
bert ? 

Mrs. O. Yes, Abram. You had better send a message 
to his hotel at once ; he may want to make another engage- 
ment for this evening. 

Oaks. {Going to L. of her, back of sofa). Very well, 
dear, if you think it best, but I must say I am disappointed. 

Mrs. O. Not more so than I am, dear, for, from what 
you tell me, I am sure I should have enjoyed Mr. Filbert's 
society very much ; but, there is another thing to consider 
besides my indisposition— haven't you yourself been preach- 
ing economy to me ? Haven't you told me that your invest- 
ments might not yield all you had hoped, and that we had 
better be on the safe side .' 

Oaks. So I did, my dear, so I did ; and you are a sweet 
wife to have remembered it too, but this once wouldn't have 
counted. 

Mrs. O. That's what you say "every time, but there must 
come some once that does count. What is this I read in 
the papers this morning of the failure of Salvers & Co. in 
Chicago, and the possible embarrassment of many well- 
known New York firms ? 



8 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Oaks. {Crossing L.). That's only newspaper talk, my 
dear. Salvers & Co are perfectly sound ; there's nothing to 
worry about. 

{Enter Sylvia, C.from Z.). 

Syl. I brought Mrs. Frawley up, Evelyn ; she could not 
wait. 

{Enter Mrs. Frawley, C. from Z.). 

Mrs. Frawley. Ah, good afternoon, my dear! {The 
ladies kiss). How do you do, Mr. Oaks } — I hardly expected 
to find you home. 

Oaks. No! Didn't expect it myself. I'm off, in fact, at 
once, just as soon as Mrs. Oaks tells me what to do. Send 
a note, you say, dear, and apologize ? 

Mrs. O. Yes. 

Oaks. {Goiftg up). Very well; I'm sorry. Good after- 
noon. 

{Exit Oaks, C). 

Mrs. F. I won't detain you a minute, I only ran over to 
say 

Mrs. O. Excuse me a moment. Sylvia, dear! 

Syl. Yes, Evelyn. 

Mrs. O. Go and see if you can find me my silver thim- 
ble. 

Syl. {Aside. Crossing R.). Her silver thimble ! She 
knows I can't find it ! That's just to get rid of me. 

{Exit Sylvia, R.). 

Mrs. O. {To Mrs. Frawley, taking her L.). I'm 
so glad you have come. I want to have a talk with you. I 
need your counsel, and I need it most urgently. {They sit 
on sofa, L. C). 



I 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 9 

Mrs. F. One thing at a time, dear. Let me tell you what 
I came for first. I haven't long to stay. Has Sylvia told 



you 



Mrs. O. Told me what ? 

Mrs. F. Oh, I see she hasn't. Well, the other day when 
Sylvia visited me, I presented a gentleman to her who has 
just returned from California. He's a bachelor, about forty ; 
and do you know the dear old silly lost his heart to her in a 
minute ; said she reminded him of a love of earlier days, 
and ail that sort of thing. I laughed at him at first until I 
discovered he was in earnest. It is worth considering, my 
dear. He is wonderfully rich, and if Sylvia could learn to 
care for him by and by, it would make a splendid match. 

Mrs. O. The idea ! 

Mrs. F. {Rising). I have stated the case, and my 
opinion, and there you are. {Crossing to C). 

Mrs. O. But you haven't told me his name. 

Mrs. F. Haven't!? No morel have! It's Filbert — 
Stuyvesant Filbert. 

Mrs. O. {Screaming'). Oh ! 

Mrs. F. What's the matter } 

Mrs. O. {Breathlessly). Margaret— Margaret ! 

Mrs. F. Do explain. 

Mrs. O. 1 told you when you came that I had some- 
thing to say to you. Where shall I begin? 

Mrs. F. Anywhere, it doesn't matter. You know Mr, 
Filbert ? 

Mrs. O. Know him ! I've been in a state of hysterics 
about him all the morning. I've had to send for the doctor ! 

Mrs. F. You puzzle me. 

Mrs, O. Margaret, come here. (Mrs. F. sits on chair 
by her side). Only just now I instructed my husband to 
write a note to Mr. Filbert to cancel an engagement he had 
made with him to dine with us this evening, 

Mrs. F. Your husband knows him then? 



10 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Mrs. O. Met him at the club. 

Mrs. F. Why didn't you want him to dinner } 

Mrs. O. I am coming to that. {Slight pause, then with 
dramatic impressivcticss). Margaret, twelve years ago I 
was already in my teens. 

Mrs. F. Don't let that distress you. Twelve years ago 
I was out of mine. 

Mrs. O. Don't jest. Twelve years ago Mr. Filbert and 
I were — sweethearts. 

Mrs. F. Ah, I begin to understand. 

Mrs. O. No, you don't. He was only a boy. I have no 
doubt he was fond of me. It isn't difficult for a callow boy 
to be fond of almost any girl who is fairly good-looking, 
and I was fairly good-looking then. 

Mrs. F. You needn't breathe so heavily on the tJicn. 

Mrs. O. But Mr, Filbert had nothing. He was secre- 
tary to some railroad director, and though I really was fond 
of him, I was easily persuaded by my parents that he was 
not to be regarded seriously. He took his dismissal very 
much to heart. He said he could not believe that these 
hazel eyes of mine could ever look with tenderness upon 
another. 

Mrs. F. Yes, Sylvia's eyes are hazel too I 

Mrs. O. Or that another hand should smooth my chest- 
nut hair. 

Mrs. F. Yes, Sylvia's is chestnut too ! 

Mrs. O. I am quoting him literally, for those were the 
last words he said to me, and so he went away to make his 
fortune in the West. 

Mrs. F. Which he appears to have done. 

Mrs. O. He had not been gone six months before I was 
married to Mr. Oaks. By degrees I forgot all about Mr. 
Filbert. I had not heard from him in all these years. Im- 
agine then my surprise, not to say dismay, on being con- 
fronted with the prospect of meeting him at dinner in my 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. II 

own home this evening. What would your nerves have 
done under similar circumstances? 

Mrs. F. Precisely what yours did ; rebelled and sent for 
Doctor Jarvis. 

Mrs. O. The question now is, how to explain the situa- 
tion to Mr. Filbert before he sets foot in the house. 

Mrs. F. {Kisi/iif with sudden interest). Before he 
sets foots in the house ! In less than ten minutes he will 
set foot, in fact both feet, in this house. {Going A'.). 

Mrs. O. What do you mean ? 

Mrs. F. I mean that I agreed to meet him here at half- 
past four, and {looking at clock) it's now twenty-tive minutes 
past. 

Mrs. O. {Rising and going to her, C). What shall I 
do ! What ever shall I do } 

Mrs. F. The usual thing. Nerves, and Doctor Jarvis ! 

{Etiter Sylvia, running ofi). 

Syl. Oh, Evelyn, he's at the door. I saw him get out 
of the cab ! 

Mrs. O. {Gasping). Who? 

Syl. Mr. Filbert. He saw me at the window— he 
nodded, — I nodded — and then 

Mrs. O. {Sternly). Sylvia, have you found my thim- 
ble ? 

Syl. No. 

Mrs. O. {Crossing to her). Then find it before you do 
anything else. 

Syl. But, Evelyn 

Mrs. O. Do you hear me } 

{Exit Sylvia, R., pouting). 

Mrs. F. It's all very well to keep that girl finding thim- 
bles, but what are we to do with Mr. Filbert .' 
Mrs. O. You must see him. 



12 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Mrs. F. But what shall I say to him ? 
Mrs. O. Anything ! 

(^Enter MoLLlE, C, 7inth card). 

Mrs. O. {Anticipating maid unthout touching card). 
Yes, Mrs. Frawley will see him. 

{Exit MOLLIE, C. as Enter Sylvia, R). 

Syl. Here, Evelyn, I've found your thimble ! 
Mrs. O. {Nervously). It isn't the right one, — come 
with me. 

Syl. Why, it's the one you left on your dressing table. 
Mrs. O. {Eviphatically). It is not the right one. 
Syl. It's the one you always use. 

{Exit Mrs. Oaks «;/^/ Sylvia, R., protesting). 

(Mrs. Frawley is alone, as she comes back to C. 
Enter blithely Stuyvesant Filbert.) 

Filbert. Ah, Mrs. Frawley ! The maid said you would 
see me, but as she didn't say where, I concluded you 
meant up here. Singular coincidence, isn't it, that I should 
have two appointments the same day in the same house ? 
When I accepted your invitation for this afternoon I had 
no idea I should be invited by Mr. Oaks to dinner this even- 
ing. 

Mrs. F. But you aren't. 

File. What do you say ? 

Mrs. F. You aren't invited by Mr. Oaks to dinner. 

File. You must have misunderstood me, I said I was 
invited to dinner. 

Mrs. F. But it's off. 

FiLB. Who is? 

Mrs. F. It is. 

FiLB. I haven't heard of it. 

Mrs. F. But you will hear of it. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 13 

FiLB. Willi? When? 

Mrs. F. Mr. Filbert, circumstances have arisen that 
have altered Mr. Oaks's programme for this evening. There 
is a note at your hotel now, containing Mr. Oaks's apologies 
and explanations. 

FiLB. Oh, very well. Fm sorry. I don't dine. Let's say 
no more about it. {Going do2u ft L.). Fm not here to dine 
now anyway. 

Mrs. F. No? 

FiLB. You know what Fm here for, of course. 

Mrs. F. Yes— but 

FiLB. {Ttirning to her suddenly). Don't say that's off 
too ! 

Mrs. F. It is. 

FiLB. What is? 

Mrs. F. Your appointment. 

FiLB. Off ! Is there anything under the sun that's not 
off ! Come now, Mrs. Frawley, no practical jokes ! 

Mrs. F, Indeed I never was further from joking in my 
life. 

FiLB. Then produce your hazel eyes and chestnut hair, 
and the family ties thereunto pertaining. 

Mrs. F. There's a story I have to tell you first. 

File. Is it long? 

Mrs. F. Long enough, and you will have to listen to it. 
{She indicates for him to be seated). 

FiLB. {Sits on sofa, L.). I am at your mercy— proceed. 

Mrs. F. To begin at the beginning. Twelve years ago 
you were twenty-five years old. 

FiLB. {Business: Calculating — then suddenly). Some- 
body must have told you. 

Mrs. F. Twelve years ago, somebody else who shall be 
nameless, was much younger. 

FiLB. Astonishing! I fancy many people were much 
younger twelve years ago. 



14 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Mrs. F. But this particular party had hazel eyes and 
chestnut hair. 

FiLB. This is getting interesting. 

Mrs. F. About that time, an impetuous young man left 
the city for the West to make his fortune. Apparently he 
succeeded. The chestnut hair and the hazel eyes were mar- 
ried. Can you not foresee the denouement } 

FiLB. Go on. Tell it in your own way. 

Mrs. F. The hazel eyes and chestnut hair belong to the 
sister-in-law of 

FiLB. {JiimpitJg tip). Not of my hazel eyes and chest- 
nut hair ! 

Mrs. F. Of yours. That is to say of the young lady in 
whom you have become so suddenly interested. (Going 
(n>er /?.). 

FiLB. {Following her). And I am now in the house of 
her who twelve years ago — that is to say — who married. 
And then — what's-his-name ? — Oaks, is her father — no, 
husband. I am getting confused. For goodness sake, 
Mrs. F'/awley, how has this sudden revelation been made ? 

Mrs. F. Mr. Oaks invited you to dine here this evening. 
When Mrs. Oaks heard who you were, she had an attack of 
nerves, without letting Mr. Oaks know why, and your invi- 
tation as I have already told you, has been withdrawn. 

FiLB. Then I am now the invited but unwelcome vis- 
itor in the house of a gentleman who is my friend, a wife 
whose nerves I am too much for, and a sister with whom 
I am vainly striving to become acquainted. This is decidedly 
interesting. 

Mrs. F. I have done my duty in acquainting you with 
the circumstances. I am going — will you stay or will you 
come with me ? 

FiLB. As between communing with the furniture and 
enjoying your charming society, there is only one choice. 
{About to follow Mrs. F. off C). 



1 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 15 

{Enter quickly Sylvia, 7?.). 

Syl. Oh. Mr. Filbert ! 

FiLB. Miss Oalcs. 

Syl. You are not going, are you } 

FiLB. (T^Mrs. F.). Ami.? 

Mrs. F. /am, {Starts io go up C). 

Syl. No, Mrs. Frawley, Evelyn wishes to see you. 

Mrs. F. Does she.? 

(Exit Mrs. Frawley znio Mrs. Oaks' rooju, R.). 

File. {FiJit/Z/ig himself alone with Sylvia). Good 
afternoon. Miss Oaks. 

Syl. Must you go } 

FiLB. {Not moving). Yes, I think so. I don't know 
why I should need the presence of Mrs. Frawley to justify 
my being in your company, but I feel like an intruder with- 
out her. 

Syl. Why should you ? 

FiLB. I hardly know — but the fact remains that I'm em- 
barrassed. 

Syl. Aren't you well ? 

FiLB. Not particularly. 

Syl. {Coming to him). Oh, that's too bad ! 

FiLB. Don't let that worry you. I'm never particularly 
well. 

Syl. What ails you ? 

FiLB. I think a general attack of hazel eyes and chestnut 
hair. 

Svi,. You are jesting. Mr. Filbert. {Going down 7?.). 
It's unkind of you to make fun of me like this. 

FlLB. {FoIlo7ving her). I shouldn't dream of such a 
thing. I'm in earnest — dead in earnest. {Awkward pause). 
Where's Mrs. Oaks? 

Syl. Shall I send her to you } 



1 6 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

FiLB. By no means. Miss Oaks, I know I must appear 
irrational to you and that my manner must surprise you ; 
but I assure you after you have discovered the key to me, 
you U'ill find me quite sane. 

Syl. {Sitti/ig OH divaji, R.). Then do give me the key 
at once ! 

FiLB. I can't this minute. 

Syl. In that case we shall probably find it difficult to 
carry on an intelligent conversation. 

FiLB. Then don't let us try. What's the use of an in- 
telligent conversation ? Let's have one that is not intelli- 
gent. It will be much more original. 

Syl. Then why talk to each other. We can drivel to 
ourselves ! 

FiLB. Oh, that wouldn't be the same thing at all. It is 
the charm of the other's presence that makes the mere 
speaking of words enjoyable to each. 

Syl. How singular ! I never thought of that before. 

FiLB. That's because you never realized your own 
charm. 

Syl. You must stop saying these insincere things, Mr. 
Filbert. 

FiLB. {Earnestly). You have no right to call them in- 
sincere ; they are much more sincere than I can possibly tell 
you ; but some day. Miss Oaks, when I am laboring under a 
less confused idea of why I am here, I shall be able to con- 
vince you what an impression you have made upon me. 
{Enter Mrs. Frawley, R.). 

Mrs. F. {Crossing C). Mrs. Oaks is coming out to see 
you. 

FiLB. Indeed ! 

Syl. {Aside, rising). How awkward ! He was making 
such a lovely speech, and there's no telling what it might 
have led up to. {Goes up R.), 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 17 

{Enter Mrs. Oaks. E.). 

Mrs. F. {Introducing). Mrs. Oaks, permit me to pre- 
sent to you my friend Mr. Stuyvesant Filbert. 

Mrs. O. {Extending- her hand). How do you do, Mr. 
Filbert ? 

FiLB. I am delighted, Mrs. Oaks. 

Mrs. F. I really must get home. Mr. Frawley will be 
indignant if I keep him waiting any longer. Good after- 



noon 



{Bows to all, and Exits, C. to L.). 



Mrs. O. Sylvia, find my thimble ! 

Syl. {Muttering). I'm sure she doesn't want her thim- 
ble, now ! 

Mrs. O. Sylvia! 

Syl. Yes, Evelyn. {To Mr. Filbert). You will ex- 
cuse me for a moment, Mr. Filbert .'' 

File. Certainly. That is — if necessary. (Mrs. O. 
starts R. to Syl.). 

Syl. Thimble, indeed ! 

{Exit Sylvia, 7?.). 

Mrs. O. Since we are to meet again, it is as well that we 
should meet without embarrassment, and so I take this op- 
portunity of welcoming you — as a friend of my husband — 
into my husband's house. {Extending her hand). 

FiLB. {Taking it). I thank you, Evelyn — I beg pardon, 
Mrs. Oaks. You always were tactful and charmingly 
direct. You have relieved me of considerable awkwardness. 
I might have been kept dangling about these premises for 
an indefinite period, but for your candor. 

Mrs. O. {Indicating divan R.). Do sit down, 

FiLB. May I ? {Crossing R.). Thank you. {Sits). It 
won't do to make me feel too much at my ease ; for it 
wouldn't be difficult for the old-time feeling 



i8 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Mrs. O. {Sitting in armchair L. of him). Don't talk 
nonsense. It is many years since we met. Things have 
prospered with you ? 

FiLB. Amazingly. 

Mrs. O. How nice ! I like to hear of these nineteenth 
century Monte Cristos who make the world their own. I 
am sure you must have made yourself very popular at 
home. 

FiLB. Popular enough. 

Mrs. O. How lovely ! 

FiLB. {Extravagantly) . Not a bit ! It's all hollow 
mockery ! What is the benefit of a blaze of glory without, 
with a heart of ashes within ! What are the triumphs of 
wealth and popularity to the defeat of a heart overthrown ! 

Mrs. O. Do stop your nonsense ! 

File. That's twice you have said nonsense to me in two 
minutes. You haven't changed in these years. I never 
could make you understand how much I cared for you. 
When I would pour forth my molten passion to you, you 
would be counting the number of dots in my necktie. 

Mrs. O. That's because you never were serious. 

File. It seems to be my fate never to be taken seriously. 
Once give a man the reputation for levity, and it's the most 
difficult thing in the world for him to be credited with one 
grave emotion. I am constantly reminding myself of 
Punchinello in the song — Punchinello, the maddest, merriest 
fellow, even when his heart is breaking. 

Mrs. O. Well, your heart isn't breaking, so the analogy 
fails. 

Filb. You didn't care a dozen years ago whether it broke 
or not. 

Mrs. O. Why will you insist on going back a dozen years ! 

File. {Leanifig towards her). How can I help it in the 
presence of those hazel eyes and that chestnut hair ! 

Mrs. O. You are treading on dangerous ground ! 



OR, ^ FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 19 

File. I love dangerous ground ! {Thoughtfully). And 
so you have a sister-in-law ? She too has hazel eyes and 
chestnut hair ! 

Mrs. O. That seems to be a mania with you. 

File. It's the early attack. 

Mrs. O. On dangerous ground again ! 

File. Fd like to pitch my tent on it ! 

Mrs. O. {Rises, crosses up L., laughing). You are like 
the boy who loved to set off fireworks. It didn't hurt him, 
but it sputtered every one in the neighborhood with flying 
sparks. 

File. {Following her.) Talking of flying sparks, what- 
ever became of that hated rival of mine, young — what was 
his name ? — who was studying medicine in those days ? 
Jarvis, I believe his name was ? 

Mrs. O. Oh, he's become quite a popular physician. A 
specialist for the nerves. 

File. I hate specialists ; they are simply feeders of 
fads. I like a good all-round doctor, who unloads his 
physic on you, and then pulls out his stop watch, gambling 
on the result — kill or cure, in so many seconds. 

Mrs. O. How dreadful I But you never liked Jarvis, 
even in the earlier days, I remember. 

File. No. I never did. 

Mrs. O. I see you are prejudiced. 

File. Yes; against him and his class. 

Mrs. O. His class ! He's one of the most popular 
doctors in society. 

File. That's just it! It's your society doctor I hate! 
Your dancing, singing, merry-making parlor physician ! 

Mrs. O. How bitter you are. 

File. I'll tell you some day an experience I had with 
one of them in San Francisco; a man who— but pshaw! 
{Laughing). Here I am letting my temper run away with 
me! {Pause). 



20 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Mrs. O. Mr. Filbert, your words have disconcerted me ; 
I don't like you to hold such opinions about the class to 
which you say Doctor Jarvis belongs. He is a very dear 
friend of mine. 

FiLB. Then let us change the subject. 

Mrs. O. I have always found him intelligent, courteous 
and — and — sympathetic. 

FiLB. I knew it ! Sympathetic! They are all sympa- 
thetic ! That's the worst of them, confound them ! What 
right has Doctor Jarvis to be sympathetic } {In a tone of 
anger) . 

Mrs. O. Mr. Filbert, I don't understand your tone ! 

FiLB. I beg your pardon. The old-time feeling of pro- 
prietorship overcame me. I forgot that I had been dis- 
charged for incompetency, and sent West for a change of 
manners. By the w'ay — it's pretty nearly time for me to 
be taking my departure. 

Mrs. O. Oh, must you go ! Can't you stay for dinner? 

File. With a cancelled invitation waiting for me at my 
hotel ? Hardly ! 

Mrs. O. {Rising). You must let me show you my 
conservatory before you go. You always used to be in- 
terested in the plants I raised, and I have a lovely collection 
now— some gardenias that I am extremely proud of. 

FiLB. Indeed ! 

Mrs. O. {Going L). Yes, Doctor Jarvis sent them to me. 

FiLB. Doctor Jarvis again ! 

Mrs. O. Come along, and don't be silly ! 

FiLB. You wouldn't dare call me silly if you hadn't 
hazel eyes and chestnut hair ! 

{Ex e wit into Conservatory, L). 

{Enter Oaks, C./rom L„ followed by old FrawleY.) 

Oaks. {Speaking). Not now, Frawley! I am not in 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 21 

the mood for it. I have no doubt your speculations will 
make a fortune for everybody concerned ; but I am not in 
the mood for speculation to-day. 

Fkawlev. Don't call it speculation, Oaks ! It's an in- 
vestment ! It's like finding money ! 

Oaks. (Sitfi/tg in anncliair down R. C). That's 
what you said on forly-three different occasions. You've 
been finding money all your life, and in spite of that if it 
were not for Mrs. Frawley's income, I'd like to know what 
you'd be living on ! 

Fraw. Don't get personal. Oaks. I'm not to blame be- 
cause my wife's well off ! 

Oaks. She wouldn't be if you could help it. 

Fraw. Come now. Oaks. You haven't looked into this 
new scheme of mine. You don't know whether it's good or 
bad. 

Oaks. Not to-day, Frawley. Not to-day. You know I 
left my office early to get away from business. I'm out of 
sorts. 

Fraw. Why, what's the matter ? What has ruffled you ? 

Oaks. A mere trifle — a mere nothing. I oughtn't to 
pay any attention to it, but human nature is weak, and I 
can't help it. 

Fraw. Let me help you. You mayn't think much of 
me in business but you can't deny I've always been a friend 
to you ! 

Oaks. So you have, Frawley. I'll tell you what it is. 
I've received an anonymous letter. I've tried not to pay 
any attention to it, but it rankles. 

Fraw. Hang an anonymous letter ! Throw it into the 
fire! 

Oaks. That's what I did ! But I rescued it before it 
was quite destroyed. 

Fraw. {Going down R.). It was about your wife, I pre- 
sume. 



22 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Oaks. What makes you think it was about my wife ? 
What makes you presume ? 

Fraw, Because I've had anonymous letters about ;/y 
wife too. No man's wife is complete without them. 

Oaks. {Rising). But I never received any before. 

Fraw. Everything's got to have a beginning. 

Oaks. Frawley, the scoundrel^for he is a scoundrel or 
he wouldn't be anonymous — has the impertinence to advise 
me to keep an eye on " some one who is very much inter- 
ested in Mrs. Oaks." {Takes letter and reads). " You may 
not know him well yourself," he says, " but your wife knows 
him better than you do." 

Fraw. That's what they said to me ten years ago. 
That's what they've been saying ever since — these anony- 
mous correspondents. They made me miserable for the 
first two years. 1 set traps for every visitor that came to 
the house. I made my wife's life a burden to herself and 
me. The only one I caught in a trap was myself, and I 
finally concluded that if I was being deceived, it was being 
done so cleverly, that ignorance was gilt-edged bliss ! Take 
the tip from me, dear boy. Don't you ever pay any atten- 
tion to anonymous letters. Now about my plans for 
Window'Glass Insurance. 

Oaks. I may not know him well myself, but my wife 
knows him better than I do ! 

Fraw. He may mean 7ne ! Oaks, I had your wife at 
the opera twice last week, when Mrs. Frawley couldn't 
come, and you were at the club ! 

Oaks. {Going /?.). Don't be an ass, Frawley ! 

Fraw. {Going L.). Don't you be an ass. Oaks ! 

Oaks. {At fireplace, J?.). Mrs. Oaks was very nervous 
this morning. Quite ill with nervousness. Too ill to re- 
ceive a gentleman to dinner to-night, whom I had met at the 
club, and taken a great fancy to. I had to retract the in- 
vitation ! One of the brightest, merriest chaps I ever saw ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 23 

Got all the boys laughing over his stories, and applauding 
his songs! I'd set my mind on a lovely evening, and Mrs. 
Oaks has a nervous attack and refuses to see him. Now 
somebody's given her trouble with her nerves ! That's 
what this anonymous note means; and I'll find it out! 
Mark my words, I'll find it out ! 

(Mrs. Oaks is /teard laughing tn the conservatory). 

Oaks. Why, that's her laugh ! i^Goes up). And there 
she is in the conservatory with a visitor ! {Laugh). Did 
you hear that, Frawley ! In her delicate state of health 
having a good time in the conservatory ! I wonder who 
he can be .-* 

Fraw. I guess I'll be going ! 

Oaks. No, don't go, Frawley ! I need you to sustain me ! 
{Looking ojff). I know that man, Frawley. It's my friend. 
It's the man she didn't want to meet ! It's the man who 
affected her nerves ! Frawley, I see it all ! What has 
brought that man into this house ? He's the one my wife 
knows better than I do ! Shall I blow his brains out, or 
shall I see him first ? 

Fraw. You had better see him before you blow his 
brains out. 

Oaks. I'll write Mrs. Oaks a letter, and say farewell, 
and tell her I know all ! I'm too nervous to write. {Tak- 
ing him to desk ttp R. C). Frawley, come here. Sit down, 
and write what I dictate. 

(Frawley protests, but Oxv^^sits him down, hands 
him pen and stands over hivi). 

{Enter Mrs. Oaks with Filbert, L.). 

Mrs. O. {To Filbert). If you really must be going! 

File. Why, it would be absurd to insist upon meeting 
Mr. Oaks at dinner to-night, after he has cancelled his invi- 
tation. 



24 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Oaks. (Turning suddeitly). Not at all ! 

Mrs. O. {Surprised, but recovering). Mr, Oaks ! 

Oaks. Yes, madam ! 

Mrs. O. Why, then you can persuade Mr. Filbert to 
stay. I have been trying to do so. {Going R.). You'll ex- 
cuse me, won't you, dear, while I get ready for dinner. 
Abram, dear, entertain Mr. Filbert, won't you ! " 

{Exit Mrs. Oaks, R). 

Oaks. Entertain him ! Frawley, we are to entertain 
him ! Did you hear, Mr. Filbert — we are to entertain you ! 

FiLB. That will be a very easy matter. 

Oaks. Won't it.? {To Frawley, 7£//i!^ is trying to go 
up C). Don't go, Frawley ! 

FiLB. You must be surprised to find me here. 

Oaks. You haven't received my letter at your hotel.? 

FiLB. No. I haven't been home since morning. 

Oaks. Do you hear that, Frawley.? He hasn't been 
home since morning! 

Fraw. {Dazed). Not since morning ! 

Oaks. Frawley and I have just been talking about you. 
Haven't we, Frawley.? 

Fraw. Yes. 

FiLB. How delightful! Won't you introduce me? I 
think I have already had the pleasure of meeting yT/ri'. Fraw- 
ley. 

Oaks. Oh, don't you know Frawley? Funny! I 
thought you knew everybody, — or everybody's wife ! Fraw- 
ley, this is Filbert ; Filbert, Frawley. 

F-W- J Delighted. 

Oaks. So you're here ! All the better ! I didn't know 
you knew Mrs. Oaks, but you do I see. All the better. 

FiLB. Yes. The fact is, Mrs. Oaks and I are old ac- 
quaintances ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 25 

Oaks. Do you hear that, Fravvley ? Old acquaintances ! 
All the better. Then you've got to stay for dinner. 

FiLB. You must really excuse me. 

Oaks. No, but we won't excuse you — will we, Frawley } 

Fraw. {Dazed). Perhaps Mr. Filbert has made other 
engagements. 

FiLB. That's it precisely — other engagements. 

Oaks. Absurd ! How can he have made other engage- 
ments ! He knows he's been invited to dinner here, and he 
hasn't been home to find out differently. 

File. But Mrs. Oaks has told me. 

Oaks. She had no right to tell you anything. This is 
my house. Isn't it, Frawley } Do you hear me, Mr. Fil- 
bert } My house ! 

File. {Aside). The old gentleman is excited. 

Oaks. And I mean to keep you here! 

File. Keep me here.'* 

Oaks. Yes — the whole evening. 

File. The whole evening .> 

Oaks. Yes — and to-morrow ! 

File. Oh, no ! 

Oaks. And the next day ! I shall have you under my 
eye all the time. {Sees Frawley about to go up C, grabs 
/itm.) Don't go, Frawley ! I need you here ! 

Fraw. My wife is waiting for me ! 

Oaks. That's all a man's wife is good for. Don't worry, 
Frawley, she won't be lonesome ! Women never are, are 
they, Mr. Filbert ? 

File. Never in pleasant company. 

Oaks. Ha ! ha ! That's good ! Never in pleasant 
company. How's that, Frawley ? 

Fraw. Ha ! ha ! Never in pleasant company. 

File. Mr. Oaks, you are excited about something. I 
should be a fool if I did not notice it. Won't you please 
give me some explanation ? 



26 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Oaks. Excited ! What an idea ! Ha ! ha ! Now if 
you were a married man — but psliaw ! You're not, don't 
you see ! You don't know what it is to have a wife many 
years younger than yourself, and to have suddenly found 
out that 

Fraw. (^liiterrupiing). Don't be a fool. Oaks, you are 
betraying yourself ! 

FiLB. {Aside). He has heard something about his 
wife ! 

Oaks. Mr. Filbert, let me tell you at once, that I know 
all! 

FiLB. If you know all, you haven't much to learn. 

Oaks. I'll tell him, Frawley. I'm no good at setting 
traps ! Mr, Filbert, I received an impertinent letter this 
morning. 

{Enter Mrs. Oaks, R.). 

FlLB. From whom ? 

Oaks. I don't know, perhaps you can tell me. I'll read 
it to you. {Reads letter). " Keep an eye on some one who 
is very much interested in Mrs. Oaks. You may not know 
him well yourself, but your wife knows him better than you 
do." (Mrs. Oaks starts). 

File. And the letter is not signed.' 

Oaks. No. 

File. May I see it? (Oaks hands it to him). An 
anonymous communication ! And you have allowed that to 
prey upon your mind ! There is only one thing to do with 
a note of this kind ! {He tears it into bits). 

Oaks. What do you mean ? 

File. {Seizing his wrist). I mean that you are seri- 
ously ill, and that you need a physician. {Seats him on sofa 
down L., crossing in front of him to C). 

{Enter Sylvia, Z.). 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 27 

(Sylvia sees picture, and joins her broiJier, 
Frawley also with him). 

{Enter D R. J A R v i s, C. from L.) . 

Dr. J. Good evening ! And how does my patient find 
herself this evening ? {Going R. to Mrs. Oaks). 

File. {In imperative tone). Doctor Jarvis ! 

Dr. J. {In surprise). Stuyvesant Filbert ! 

File. Your patient is there ! {Indicating Oaks). I 
will attend to Mrs. Oaks. 

(Filbert goes to Mrs. Oaks, and offers his arm, 
which she takes mechanically as the CUR- 
TAIN FALLS). 

END OF ACT /. 



28 



THE CLUB FRIEND; 



ACT IT. 

SCENE: Reception-roo7n at MRS. Frawley's. 

DISCOVER: MRS. Frawley in evening dress, 
seated {in armchair, L. C.) reading. FRAW- 
LEY, ift dressing gown and slippers, pacing 
tip and down stage nervously, 

Mrs. F. Makepeace, what on earth are you running up 
and down the room for } 

Fraw, I am thinking, my dear ; you know I always have 
to be moving when I think. 

Mrs. F. But, my dear, you have been moving all day 
long! 

Fraw. It's been one of my thinking days ! 

Mrs. F. Whatever have you got to think about? 

Fraw. That's just like you, to ask such a question ! I 
wonder who would do the thinking for the family if I didn't ? 
{Goes down /?.). 

Mrs. F. Makepeace, whether you stop thinking or not. 
do get some proper clothes on. Don't you know we are ex- 
pecting friends ? 

Fraw. I am getting tired of these Friday evenings of 
yours, Margaret. {Crossing to her). What's the good of 
entertaining a lot of people who don't care a snap of their 
fingers for you, and only interrupt the current of your 
thoughts ? 

Mrs. F. You'll find your evening clothes laid out for 
you on the chair. Your buttons and studs are put in ; so 
you've Jiothing to do but make yourself look beautiful. 

Fraw. {Smiling). I can't be cross with you, Margaret, 
and you know it. {Kisses her). But do enter a little more 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 29 

into my projects, and give me a little more encouragement 
when I'm thinking out ways to make a fortune. 

Mrs. F. What use would we have for a fortune .' We 
each have the other, that ought to be fortune enough ! 

Fraw. How beautiful, Margaret ! But how unpractical ! 
I need money, Margaret, and it keeps me moving and think- 
ing where to raise it ! {Going down R.). 

Mrs. F. I'm afraid you've raised more already than you 
can pay back ! 

Fraw. All the more reason to keep moving and think- 
ing. {Going up L.). 

Mrs. F. I do hope you have not been borrowing? 

Fraw. No, I haven't borrowed lately. That is to say, I 
don't call it borrowing if one's own son advances the needed 
capital. 

Mrs. F. One's own son ! {Rising). What are you talk- 
ing about. Makepeace ? Maximilian hasn't been letting you 
have any money, has he ? 

Fraw. Well — yes, my dear— that is, a little. 

Mrs. F. W^hy, where has he been getting it from ? 

Fraw. Why, he gets a good salary from Mr. Oaks, a 
much better salary than I'd care to pay him, if I were Oaks I 

Mrs. F. You know that Mr. Oaks has employed Maxi- 
milian as much to oblige us, as anything else ; for though 
we adore our son, we can't call him a brilliant boy — in 
fact 

Fraw. Maximilian is an empty-headed numbskull, with 
no more brains than a mosquito, though he is our son ; but 
that is no reason why he shouldn't invest his capital with his 
father, if he wants to, is it ? 

{Enter Maximilian, up R. C. a sapped-out specimen of 
a youtJi) . 
Maximilian. Good-evening, mother. {Kisses her). 
Mrs. F. Good-evening, Max. 



30 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Fraw. {Sitting on ottoman, C). Where have you been 

since yesterday ? 

Max. At the club. 

Mrs. F. All night? 

Max. Yep ! Got betting with the boys whose lump of 
sugar a fly would light on first. Staid up till morning. All 
the flies lit on my sugar. I won eighty-four dollars. 

Mrs. F. {Dismayed). Up all night betting on flies ! 
That was a thrilling occupation for a young man ! 

Fraw. But he won, Margaret ! 

Max. Yes, I won. (Mr. F. rubs hands with satis- 
faction). Then I bet the eighty-four dollars that I could 
jump over more chairs at once, than anybody else in the club. 

Fraw, Yes — and you won — ? {Pause). 

Max. And I lost. 

Fraw. The whole eighty-four dollars ? 

Max. At a clip. 

Fraw. {Rising). You drivelling numbskull ! You 
dough-headed specimefi of a dodo ! Aren't you ashamed 
of yourself.? To let your hard-earned savings go out of 
your hands in that way } 

Max. But those eighty-four dollars were not hard-earned 
savings ! 

Max. But they might have been ! 

Mrs. F. {Coming down R. C. to tete-a-tete) But Maxi- 
milian, think of your health ! If you stay up all night like 
this, and lose your sleep, what will become of you } 

Max. I don't lose my sleep. I stay in bed. 

Fraw. How can you stay in bed down in the office ? 

Max. Fm not down in the office. 

Fraw. What does Mr. Oaks say to that } 

Max. He discharged me last week. 

Fraw. {Gasping). Discharged you ! Margaret, do 
you hear that ? Discharged ! And that's your boy, that's 
the boy you brought up ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 31 

Mrs. F. He's the boy you took to your club and got 
elected. He hasn't been fit for anything since the day he 
became a member. (Max has gone down L. C. and leans 
against table). 

P^RAW. Would you mind telling me, young man, what 
you intend to do with yourself, now that you have been dis- 
charged ? 

Max. I don't know. Something will come along. 

Fraw. Will it ? 

Max. I've saved a little money, and some of the boys at 
the club will invest it for me. 

Mrs. F. {Pleased, A'.). So you have saved a little 
money, have you, Max } 

Max. Yes, mother. 

Mrs. F. Where is it } 

Max. Father has it. 

Fraw. Is that all the money you have ? 

Max. Every cent ! 

Fraw. {Hopeless). And you call that saved ! {Turning 
to her). Margaret, what have I ever done to you that you 
should have made me father such a specimen as this ! 

Mrs. F. Don't abuse him, Makepeace ; you've no doubt 
told him yourself that you were saving it for him. 

Max. He did, mother. 

Fraw. But he believed it ! That's what drives me 
wild ! He believed it ! {Recollecting himself). I mean 
— of course he believed it ! But what right had he to get 
himself discharged ? To lie in bed all day and neglect his 
work, until Mr. Oaks had to get rid of him. That is un- 
pardonable ! 

Max. I didn't lie in bed all day until after I had been 
discharged. 

Mrs. F. What do you mean, Maximilian ? ( With ages- 
ture of impatience Mr. Y . goes up C). 

Max. Mr. Oaks came to me last week, and said : 



k 



32 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

" Maximilian, as you are aware, our firm has met with severe 
losses ; and I am compelled to cut down expenses. One 
book-keeper will have to do. We shall have to let the as- 
sistant go. I'm sorry, more especially as I have only words 
of praise for you, for the faithful and conscientious way in 
which you have always performed your duties." 

Fraw. Mr. Oaks said that to you } 

Max. Last week. 

Mrs. F. Why didn't you mention it } 

Max. He told me the firm's condition in strict confi- 
dence, so I thought I'd think it over, before speaking of it. 

Fraw. So you thought it over in bed .-* 

Max. Yes, father. 

Mrs. F. {Pause). Don't scold him, Makepeace, he's done 
nothing wrong. It's a matter of much more importance 
that Mr. Oaks is embarrassed. I hope it's nothing alarm- 
ing. 

{Enter Sylvia, L.). 

Syl. Good-evening. 

All. Good-evening, Sylvia. 

Syl. Mrs. Frawley, {going over to her) Evelyn says 
she will drive over later. 

Mrs. F. Very well, my dear. Makepeace, do make 
yourself presentable. 

Fraw. All right, my love. {Starts to go off into his 
room). 

Max. {Intercepting him). Father, just a moment. 
{Bringing him down). When do I get that money ? 

Fraw. Next month ! {Starting R.). 

Max. {Detaining him). Father, don't you think I had 
better break off my engagement with Sylvia .'' 

Fraw. I never knew you were engaged. 

Max. Very nearly engaged. 

Fraw. Do as you please about that. {Starting R.). 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. ZZ 

Max. {Detaining him). She might be very much in 
love with me, and I don't want to brealc her all up. 
Fraw. No fear of that ! {Starting R.). 

Max. And besides ■ 

Fraw. You are very much in love with her. 

Max. I was, but 

Fraw, Yes — well. 

Max. I've learnt to love another! 

Fraw. You're an ass ! 

{Exit Frawley, R. I E.) 

{During the above, Sylvia and Mrs. F. have come down R. 
C, conversing). 

Mrs. F. {Rising to go). Tell him yourself, Sylvia, that's 
the best way. 

{Exit Mrs. Frawley, R. i E.). 
{Both Max and Sylvia remain awkward for a minute^ 

Max. Sylvia! 

Syl. Maximilian ! 

Max. I've got something to say to yoUo 

Syl. And I have something to say to you. 

Max. It concerns us both. 

Syl. It concerns you and me. 

Max. I used to think 

Syl. So did I ! 

Max. But I've concluded 

Syl. So have I ! 

Max. Of course everybody has a right to change his 
mind. 

Syl. That's what a person's mind is for. 
Max. That never occurred to me. Very likely. 



34 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Syl. I never really gave you any encouragement — did I, 
Max ? 

Max. Well, I can't say that, Sylvia ! 

Syl. But j'ou must, if you want to speak the truth. 

Max. Well, you can't say that I really offered. 

Syl. {Quickly rising). Offered what } 

Max. {Calmly, after a pause). I don't know. 

Syl. Offered what ? Who asked you to offer anything ? 
Did you dare to presume, because I listened to a few silly 
flattering remarks of yours, that I gave you sufficient en- 
couragement to offer me anything under the sun, sir ! How 
dare you have the impertinence to begin your sentence by 
saying you didn't really offer 

Max. {Perplexed). That wasn't what I wanted to say. 

Syl. You will please then, Mr. Frawley, confine yourself 
henceforth to saying what you want to say. 

Max. I don't want to say a word — I want to listen. 

Syl. In that case, let me state briefly, as follows : all is 
over between us. {A pause.) 

Max. Thank you. 

Syl. What do you mean, sir ? 

Max. I mean I'm sorry. Sorry, but I'm resigned. I 
didn't think you'd give me up without a struggle, but you do 
give me up ; and you don't struggle, so I thank you. I pre- 
sume you have learnt to love another. 

Syl. What business is that of yours ? 

Max. Nothing. Only, so have I. 

Syl. Love another } And who is she, pray } 

Max. I don't see 

Syl. That's right! Get impertinent, and tell me it's 
none of my business ! 

Max. {Going to her). I won't tell you who she is, but 
I'll show you her picture. 

Syl. Oh, it's got as far as that has it ! You carry her 
picture about with you ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 35 

Max. Yes. {Taking picture slowly from his pocket). 

Syl. Let me see ! {Grabbing it quickly). Why ! You 
great big story teller ! Her picture ! It's a man's picture ! 

Max. Is it? 

Syl. {Laughing). Why, this is a picture of Mr. Stuyve- 
sant Filbert ! How did you come by that } 

Max. {Looking at picture). Filbert's picture ! Ha ! 
ha ! I am a ninny ! I took up the wrong picture in a 
hurry. {He takes it back). 

Syl. {Working herself up into a passion). How did 
that photograph come into your possession .'' 

Max. I found it on the mantelpiece of the young lady I 
was calling on. She knows Filbert very well. He's a 
rival of mine in her affections ; but he's too old for her. 

Syl. He's not too old for anybody ! {Goes down L.). 

Max. (C'.J. Yes, he is for her! She says she loves 
him as a father, I tell her I've no objection to that. 

Syl. You have no objection indeed ! 

Max. No. Have you? 

Syl. {Coming to him). I don't believe a word of what 
you are saying to me. I don't believe you got Mr. Filbert's 
picture off any girl's mantelpiece, and I don't believe Mr. 
Filbert gave any girl his picture to put on her mantelpiece ; 
and I don't want you ever to speak another word to me as 
long as you live ! {S\l.\l\ flounces tip stage). 

{Enter Filbert, L. i E.). 

File. Ah! Good-evening. 

Max. Good-evening, Mr. Filbert, we were just talking 
about you. 

Filb. Go on then. You couldn't talk about anything 
that would so chain my attention. {Sits in an armchair, 
L. C). 

Max. I was just showing this photograph to Miss 
Oaks. {Showsii to Filbert). 



36 . THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Syl. [Coming down C). Which he took off a young 
lady's mantelpiece. 

File. {Severely). How does that photograph come 
into your possession ? 

SVL. That's what I should like to have explained. 

FiLB. {Business of Max, looking from one to the other). 
Then you are the young man she told me about. I want to 
have a serious talk with you by-and-by. 

Max. Really.? 

FiLB. Yes, really. In the meanwhile I'll keep this pic- 
ture, if you don't mind. I can't afford to have myself in cir- 
culation so promiscuously. It might make me too popular. 

Max. If you don't need me any longer, Miss Oaks, I'll 
go? 

Syl. Need you ! Need you ! What word is there in the 
English language to express the opposite of need } 

FiLB. Needless! 

Syl. Need-/,?^^ / I don't need afty of him ! 

Max. Thank you ! 

{Exit Max, C, to L.). 

Syl. And if it's all the same to you, I'll leave also. 
{Starts up L. C). 

FiLB. Don't run away on my account I beg. {Opens 
albtim). 

Syl. The guests are in the drawing-room. 

FiLB. Yes, I know. I came here to escape them, 
{Listlessly t timing over the leaves of album). 

Syl. {Aside, getting up C). He doesn't care the snap 
of his fingers for me, and I know it. 

File. {Aside). If Jarvis comes here to-night, will it be 
wise for me to speak to him } 

Syl. {Aside). He doesn't pay the slightest attention to 
me, an4 last week he was all eyes and ears in my presence. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 37 

FiLB. {Aside). I will speak plainly to Mrs. Oaks first. 
I can surely rely on her intelligence. 

Syl. {Aside). I'll take my glove off and drop it. If he 
picks it up and keeps it, it will be a sign he cares for me. 
{Taking off her glove). 

FiLB. {Aside. Rising and coming C). Mrs. Oaks 
has all the thoughtlessness of innocence, but I cannot bear 
to see her compromise herself, without wanting to warn 
her; and yet, how can I, how can 1} 

(Sylvia has crossed to the chair where he had 
been sitting, a7id drops her glove in the chair. 
He returns to the chair, and passing Sylvia, 
accidentally pushes against her). 

FiLB. I beg your pardon ! Are you still here } 
Syl. Yes. But I'm going now. {Starting up C). 
FiLB. Won't you let me know when Mrs. Oaks arrives, 
Sylvia, I want to see her. 

Syl. Certainly. Good-evening. 
FiLB. {Vacantly). Good-evening. 

{Sylvia does not go off but stands at back, eagerly watch- 
ing his movements^ 

FiLB. {Going to chair, L). Perhaps I had better tell 
Mrs. Frawley the whole story of Jarvis. ( Vacantly picks 
up glove). 

Syl. {Aside). He has picked it up ! 

FiLB. {Slapping the palm of his hand with the glove 
as he speaks). If one could only do one's duty for duty's 
sake and not let sentiment creep into it ! But that is the 
fatality of those hazel eyes, and that chestnut hair ! 

(Filbert draws the glove through his hand sentimen- 
tally). 
Syl, {Aside). He's treating it tenderly ! He'll kiss it 
in a moment ! 



3* THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

FiLB. {Crossing to C). Under their spell I am pledged 
to her service. I'm a fool ! Every man is, who mixes him- 
self up in another's affairs ! But Jarvis must be called to 
account by somebody, and, by Jove ! I'll do it — if I have to 
slap his face. {Thro%vs glove off in anger. Sylvia has 
co7ne down L. C. slightly). 

Syl. {Screams). 

FiLB. {Startled). What's the matter ? 

Syl. That's my glove ! 

FiLB. I beg your pardon ! {Hastens to pick up gloz'e, 
hands it to her, he still holding on to the other end). 

Syl. Thank you. I'll take it, please. 

File. {Sejttimentally). The same hazel eyes ? The 
same chestnut hair ! 

Syl. Oh, bother my hazel eyes! Do you understand 
me ? — and bother my chestnut hair ! 

(Exit Sylvia angrily, L. i E.). 

FiLB. Certainly, if you insist on it. Bother your chest- 
nut hair. I don't want to bother it — but if you insist 

Why has the miniature angel risen in its wrath .'' What 
have I done .> {Turning R.). 

{Enter Mrs. Frawley, i?.). 

Mrs. F, Good-evening, Mr. P'ilbert. 

FiLB. Good-evening. 

Mrs. F. I am so glad you have come ! Nobody is so 
amusing as you. 

File. That's very kind of you, but it's libellous. 

Mrs. F. You are always so droll ! 

File. {Gloomily). Thank you. 

Mrs. F. Do you know, I just like to sit and listen to 
you, without paying the slightest attention to what you say. 
It just amuses me to hear you prattle. 

File. How flattering ! It strikes me I have chosen a 
bad time to talk seriously with you, 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 39 

Mrs. F. K^« talk seriously ! {Laj/g/nng). Now don't 
belie your magnificent reputation of being unable to. 

FiLB. I am reeking with seriousness at the present 
moment, and I decline to be trifled with. 

Mrs. F. {Crossing L.). At the present moment I am 
determined that you shall come into the music-room and 
sing something for us ; 1 positively forbid you even to at- 
tempt to be serious ! 

FiLB. But I won't sing ! 

Mrs. F. And disappoint a whole room full of people 
who have heard of you ! 

FiLB. No matter what they have heard of me I am in- 
nocent ! 

(Dr. Jarvis heard off" L., laughing). 

FiLB. Wasn't that Doctor Jarvis ? 

Mrs. F. I shouldn't wonder. 

FiLB. I want to talk to you seriously about Doctor 
Jarvis. 

Mrs. F. Not to-night — not to-night. {Goes up — looks 
offL.). 

{Enter FrawleY, R. i E. He conies dcmm very cordially 
to Filbert). 

Fraw. Here you are, my dear Mr. Filbert ! {Shaking 
both hands). May I call you Stuyvesant .? I «//// call you 
Stuyvesant ! I hope you don't hold me answerable for Mr. 
Oaks's eccentric demeanor towards you the other day. I 
am very glad indeed to see you here this evening. I want 
to have a chat with you. 

FiLB. A serious one I hope. 

Fraw. Precisely. Serious. 

FiLB. Thank goodness there's somebody serious ! 

Mrs. F. {Reprovingly). Makepeace ! A serious talk 
this evening ! 



40 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Fraw, Serious — and business ! 

Mrs. F. {Cotni7ig down L.). 1 hope. Makepeace, you 
don't mean to talk business to Mr. Filbert this evening. 

Fraw. Business is always in order. Don't you think 
so, Mr. Filbert ? 

{Enter Dr. Jarvis and Mrs. Oaks, L. 2 E). 

Mrs. O. Good-evening. 

The Others. Good-evening. (Mrs. F. meets them 
up C). 

Mrs. F, {To Mrs. O. and Dr.). Mr. Filbert is coming 
into the music-room. 

Fraw. {Going L. with hitn). No — the smoking-room. 

Mrs. F. {To Mrs. O. and Dr.). He's going to sing for 
us! 

FiLB. Am I } 

Fraw. Not until I've had my business talk with him ! 

FiLB. Talking about business, at what time to-morrow 
would it be convenient ior yot( to see 7ne, Doctor Jarvis .-* 

Dr. J. Would three o'clock suit you ? 

FiLB. Very well indeed. (Tt? Mrs. Frawley). And 
now I am at your disposal. {To Mr. Frawley). Or yours. 
Either or both ! {They both lock arms with him). 

{Exeunt chatting, L. i E!). 

Mrs. O. {To Jarvis going J?.). And what is the objec- 
tion you say you have to Mr. Filbert ? 

Dr. J. I don't like the interest you show in him. It dis- 
concerts — it distresses me ! 

Mrs. O. {Sitting on tete-a-tete, laughing). What non- 
sense you are talking ! How can it concern you, as my 
physician, whom I take an interest in ? 

Dr. J. Why will you persist in reminding me of my of- 
fice as your physician } {Coming to her). Have I no rights 
as a friend ? 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 41 

Mrs. O. No right to permit you to dictate my choice of 
other friends. 

Dr. J. You forget that no other friend can care for you 
as I do. 

Mrs. O. {Looking up at htm curiously). This is some- 
thing new ! Since when has this sudden care arisen ? 

Dr. J. Since when } Have you been blind all these 
months to a devotion I have taken no pains to conceal.'' 

Mrs. O. Has your devotion been more than I had a 
right to expect from my physician .'' 

Dr. J. Much more. 

Mrs. O. You surprise me. I beg of you, then, to turn 
over a new leaf at once, f have no right, and certainly no 
desire, to claim more of your interest than is due a confiding 
patient. 

Dr. J. Evelyn, it is too late to recede. You know it is 
not as my patient that I have learnt to look upon you with 
such fervor ; it is as my ideal, my love. 

Mrs. O. {Rising slotu/)'). Doctor Jarvis ! 

Dr. J. Have I not given you every proof of my sincer- 
ity ? 

Mrs. O. Proof? Proof? 

Dr. J. Have you ever appealed to me for assistance 
when I was not willing and ready to render it? 

Mrs. O. I do not know to what you refer. 

Dr. J. It is only a trifling matter I admit, but did I not 
yesterday, when you came to me and confessed the financial 
embarrassment of your husband, instantly respond ? 

Mrs. O. I came to you in all honesty and told you that 
I had offered to turn over to my husband my personal prop- 
erty, amounting to some ten thousand dollars, which he de- 
clined to accept. You did not hesitate to lend me the 
money on those securities. 

Dr. J. A'of on those securities. 

Mrs. O. I gave you my note 



42 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Dr. J. Which I destroyed in your presence. 

Mrs. O. {Crossing to C). Had I foreseen that the obliga- 
tion to you would entail upon me others that you seem to hint 
at, do you think for a moment that I should have come to 
you with my confession .'' 

Dr. J. I hope so, for you must have felt how delighted I 
was to serv^e you ! 

Mrs. O. You were serving my husband. 

Dr. J. {Smiling). No doubt ! But surely you are not 
unsophisticated enough in this selfish world, not to know 
that helping a husband through the wife, is a service that 
far transcends mere business. 

Mrs. O. {Sitting on ottoman — back to Jmn). You are 
growing more and more difficult to understand. 

Dr. J. {After a slight pause, during which he ap- 
proaches her with a sho7u of fervor, — then with increasing 
warmth.) Evelyn, I love you. There is nothing I would 
leave undone to win you ; I may have deceived myself in 
supposing that you had understood me all along, but as I 
have told you already, it is too late to recede. There is 
hardly a folly — Heaven help me I — there is hardly a crime, I 
could not justify to myself, if by committing it, it would draw 
me nearer to you. Do you know why I sent that anonymous 
letter to your husband ? 

Mrs. O. {Aghast). You sent it ! 

Dr. J. Yes I — in the hope that if our names were linked 
together, even in the mouth of gossip, I should feel a pos- 
session of you, different from any I had yet known. 

Mrs. O. Doctor Jarvis ! {In a tone of anger and con- 
tempt) . 

Dr. J. I have laid myself bare to you, because I love and 
trust you ! 

Mrs. O. Not another word ! I have duties before me — 
immediate and imperative. The money you loaned me yes- 
terday must be returned to you at once. Every second that 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICUM. 43 

this debt is unpaid, adds to ray disgrace and the guilt I feel 
in having accepted it. I will bring those ten thousand 
dollars to your office to-morrow at three. That debt once 
paid {going iip to C.) never dare to enter my presence again ! 

Dr. J. Where will you get ten thousand dollars to- 
morrow .'' 

Mrs. O. (/« arc/i up C). That is ;/y affair ! 

{Exz't haughtily C. to L.). 

Dr. J. {Alone). And she will do it, too ! And I shall 
have failed ! She will bring that money to me herself, for 
she will let no one else share the secret. Where will she get 
it from } {Goes to desk R. and takes up pen to write). Filbert 
will be at my office at three to-morrow ! ( Writes). " Dear 
Mr. Oaks. She will meet him at Dr. Jarvis' office at 3 to- 
morrow." {Isolds and seals the letter. Starts L.). I must 
see that this is mailed to him at once. 

(Exit, L.). 

{Enter Filbert and Maximilian, L. 2 E., conversing). 

FiLB. And so you are sure that little Mabel Douglas, 
who gave you my picture in mistake for her own, cares for 
you ? 

Max. No, I'm not sure she cares for me, but I'm quite 
sure she will care for me, after you are out of the way. 

FiLB. Am I in the way? 

Max. Yes. She told me she never could care for any- 
body as much as for you ; now I think you are much too 
old to care for her yourself, and you might give me a chance. 

FiLB. Quite right. {Sitting C). It's time a man of 
my age let the girls alone, I'm thinking, anyhow ! 

Max. That's'so ! 

FiLB. And you love her ? 

Max. {Sitting). You bet ! Who can help loving her } 

FiLB. Have you told her so .-' 



44 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Max. No. I haven't. Some fellows can talk, I can't. 
Father says I'm an ass. 

FiLB. Your father ought to know. 

Max. I just sit still in her presence and look at her pic- 
ture. That's how she came to offer to let me have it. I was 
so happy I took the wrong one by mistake. 

FiLB. Oh, it's as bad as that, is it ! There's always hope 
for a man who can't speak when he's in love. If he could 
talk, it wouldn't be half so sincere. 

Max. I'm awfully glad to hear you say so. If it would 
only prove to her how much I love her, I would hold my 
tongue for a month. 

FiLB. How are you fixed, in case she wanted to marry 
you } 

Max. That's the trouble. I've loaned my money to 
father. 

File. Loaned it to your father? On what security .? 

Max. He didn't give me any. 

File. {Sitting in arm chair L. C). Yotl are a bad 
business man. 

Max. But he's my father ! 

File. That's not negotiable collateral. 

Max. The first thing to do, is to get the girl to be will- 
ing to wait. 

File. She might get wrinkled ! 

Max. No. I'm able to work. I'm not such a fool as 
father thinks I am. {Getting to back of table). Now I had 
a nice position with Mr. Oaks, until he was compelled to 
let me go. 

File. Compelled to let you go ! Who compelled him ? 

Max. Why, it's like this. If I tell you something in 
confidence, you won't give me away } 

File. Not unlessj must. 

Max. Mr. Oaks was financially embarrassed, and he 
had to get rid of me. 



I 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 45 

FiLB. Mr. Oaks financially embarrassed ! 

Max. And he cut down expenses. 

FlLB. And you were one of the expenses.' 

Ma.x. Father says 1 was a luxury. 

FiLB. Mr. Oaks embarrassed, and she never mentioned 
it ! {Aside.) 

Max. If Fm good enough to earn a salary in one place, 
Fm good enough to earn one in another. 

FiLB. Right you are ! 

Max. And if Mabel Douglas will give me time 

File. {Rising). Mabel Douglas shall give you time. 
Leave that to me. 

Max. {Joyfully). What do you mean ? 

FiLB. I don't know yet. Hope ! {Going down C). 
There is no harm in hoping. 

Max. Tell her Fll save my money, and Fll give up the 
club. I hate the club anyway. I can't play billiards, I 
never can smoke without feeling dizzy, the drinks give me 
a headache, and sitting up at night makes me bilious, and 
that's all the club's good for. I only joined it because 
father proposed me. 

FiLB. Then you wt7v an ass ! 

Max, All I want is a little time. 

FiLB. If you'll send your father to me I'll be much 
obliged. 

Max. Thank you, sir. If father should call me names, 
don't pay any attention to him, will you ? {Going L.). 

FiLB. Not at all. I'll remind him that he was a boy once 
himself, and that you'll be a father some day. 

Max. Oh, thank you ! 

{Exif Max. L. I ^.). 

File. {Alone). Oaks embarrassed ! Surely Evelyn 
knows about it, and has said nothing. I wonder if she 
would come to me if they were in trouble, and remember 
that there is nothing under the sun I wouldn't do for her. 



46 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

But how can I serve her, without complicating the already 
strained relations that exist between her husband and my- 
self? 

{Enter MRS. Oaks excitedly, C. from L). 

Mrs. O. {Comijig down quickly to him). Mr. Filbert ! 

FiLB. Mrs. Oaks I 

Mrs. O. Stuyvesant ! 

FiLB. Evelyn ! 

Mrs. O. Ever since I have known you, you have been 
my friend. 

FiLB. Ever since I've known you I've tried to be. 

Mrs. O. I didn't realize the other evening the true mo- 
tive that made you warn me against Doctor Jarvis. I fan- 
cied it was the old animosity ; but my eyes have been opened 
since. 

FiLB. Those hazel eyes ! 

Mrs. O. If I ask you to do me a great favor, and tell you 
that I ask it in order that I may set myself free forever 
from the influence of this man, do you think you could grant 
it without asking more information than I am willing to 
give? 

FiLB. I would grant any favor you ask, and the greater 
the service the happier I shall be in rendering it. 

Mrs. O. Thank you, Stuyvesant, you are as generous as 
you are noble. 

File. I wish you had found that out years ago ! 

Mrs. O. I did find it out. 

File. But you forgot to mention it. 

Mrs. O. To come directly to the point, I am in debt to 
Doctor Jarvis. 

File. In debt to him ! 

Mrs. O. To the amount of ten thousand dollars. 

File. I'd rather be in debt to the ; it's the same 

thing. You must get out of debt this minute. 

Mrs. O. You divine then the great favor I would ask of 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 47 

you ? I have in personal property and securities, the value 
of about ten thousand dollars. These 1 wish you to convert 
for me into cash without a moment's delay. 

FiLB. One moment — one moment — let me understand. 
What did you do with the money Doctor Jarvis loaned you.'' 

Mrs. O. I gave it to my husband. 

FiLB. Can't your husband give it back.^ 

Mrs. O. Impossible ! Immediately on receiving it he 
wired the money to Chicago. The whole future of his affairs 
hinged upon that sum, that was needed before nightfall by 
his correspondents in the West. 

File. Where did you tell him you got it from } 

Mrs. O. I told him ths truth. I told him it was loaned 
to us by Doctor Jarvis. 

File. And he suspected nothing? 

Mrs. O. He had nothing to suspect, no more than I had 
when I accepted the loan. We both believed in his friend- 
ship. 

File. My entire bank account is at your disposal, Mrs. 
Oaks. That is the simplest part of the difficulty that con- 
fronts us. How can I serve you without further embarrass- 
ing you ? 

Mrs. O. I don't follow you. 

File. (Crossing L. thitikitig). I must not appear in 
this matter. As it is, Mr. Oaks views me, as you know, 
very much in the light of an intruder. Give me ten minutes 
time in which to mature a plan, and I promise you, all shall 
be as you desire. 

Mrs. O. Oh, Stuyvesant ! {Extends her hand). You will 
never know how much I appreciate your kindness in this 
hour. 

File. I don't want to know. It would only complicate 
things worse than ever. 

Mrs. O. In ten minutes then 

File. I will see you. 



48 THE CLUB FRiEND ; 

Mrs. O. {Going tip C). Bless you, Stuyvesant ! 

FiLB. {Going L.). As you say — bless me, Stuyvesant. 
{E>iicr Frawley, L. i E.). 

Mrs. O. {Seeing him, and changing manner). Ah, Mr. 
Frawley, where is your wife } Fm looking tor her. 

Fraw. There she is saying good-bye to Doctor Jarvis. 
(^Exit Mrs. Oaks, L. i E.). 

FiLB. {Realizing Yk.\\w\.v.\'?, presence). Confound it ! 
Fd forgotten all about him. 

Fraw. Mr. Filbert, my son tells me you have something 
to say to me. 

FiLB. So I have, something very important. {Aside). 
Hang me if I remember what it was. 

Fraw. {Sitting on ottoman, €.). As a rule my son's 
an ass, and I don't pay any attention to him. 

File. That's just it. It's about your son. It grieves 
me very much to have him considered an ass. 

Fraw. Oh, it does, does it ? 

File. And there should be some remedy for it. 

Fraw. No doubt. 

FiLB. I am convinced your son has great abilities, they 
only want to be developed. 

Fraw. No doubt. I suppose if he were locked up in a 
hot house with plenty of fertilizer he'd develop one way or 
another— but I can't afford the hot house, and I'm out of 
fertilizers. 

FiLB. By Jove! I've got both the hot house, and the 
fertilizer. 

Fraw. I don't understand you. 

FiLB. I'm the hot house, and you're the fertilizer, 

Fraw. (indignant, — rising). Sir ! 

FiLB. {Putting him dowfi). I u\c3in, you're the hot 
house, and I'm the fertilizer. 

Fraw. {Looks at him dazed, — rising). Good-evening ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 49 

FiLB. {Putting him down agaiti). Don't go — it's all 
right. You'll understand in a minute. I want to make you 
a plain up and down proposition. You can accept it, or 
you can decline it, but you've got to do it quick. 

Fraw. Fire away. 

FiLB. I want to go in with you on a scheme for making 
some money. 

Fraw. {Changing his manner). At last ! 

FiLB. {Sitting on ottoman by his side). I know that a 
man like you, with a brain so full of projects, must be wide- 
awake, and it's your wide-awakeness that has caught me. 
Have I your ear ? 

Fraw. You have. 

FiLB. I want to build up the house of Abram Oaks, 
and I want to build it up through you. 

Fraw. Through me } 

File. I want you to go into partnership with Mr. Oaks. 

Fraw. Me ? 

FiLB. You told me in the smoking-room a while ago, 
that you had had business talks with Mr. Oaks, and that he 
had told you, when you had money to invest, to come to 
him, and he'd give you all the opportunity you wanted. 

Fraw. Yes — but 

FiLB. Now's your time ! 

Fraw. Whose time .'' What do you mean } 

FiLB. As Mr. Oaks's business is not as prosperous as it 
has been, he will certainly entertain a proposition of partner- 
ship from a jnan who is willing to invest fifty thousand dol- 
lars. 

Fraw. Good Lord ! 

FiLB. I want you to invest fifty thousand dollars with 
Mr. Oaks. 

Fraw. Me ? 

FiLB. Yes— at once. 

Fraw. You're dreaming ! 



50 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

FiLB. Not at all. 

Fraw. I haven't got fifty thousand cents ! 

FiLB. I didn't suppose you had. But you're going to 

have. 
Fraw. I'm going to have a fit, if you don't come to 

earth. 

FiLB. I'm going to give you fifty thousand dollars. 

Fraw. {Rising). What!! 

FiLB. Now keep cool, and let me explain. You are to 
represent me. With your business head, this money in a 
firm of as long standing as Mr. Oaks's ought to be a profit- 
able investment. You are to be responsible to me for fifty 
per cent, of your share of the profits. You don't doubt you 
can secure a partnership with Mr. Oaks .'' 

Fraw. Doubt it ! He'll fly at it ! I'll show him how 
the much despised Frawley can come to his rescue at the 
critical moment. 

FlLB. Certainly you will ; and you can pay back the 
money you borrowed of Maximilian. 

Fraw. In a flash, sir— in a flash! I'll teach that im- 
pertinent brat to dare dun his father for a few measly hun- 
dreds. 

FiLB. Measly hundreds indeed ! 

Fraw. When do I take hold.^ I mean — when do 
you 

FiLB. Hold on ! There are other conditions ! 

Fraw. Oh ! 

FiLB. But I think you will comply with them. 

Fraw. {Grasping his arm and taking him down R, 
C). Of course I will. What are they.? 

FiLB. In the first place I must not appear in this deal at 
all. Mr. Oaks doesn't like me, and I must be kept in the 
background, until he doesn't shy at the sight of me ; but 
before we do anything else, we must pay back Doctor Jarvis 
ten thousand dollars that we borrowed from him. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. $l 

Fraw. Did we borrow ten thousand dollars of Jarvis ? 

FiLB. We did, very foolishly. Jarvis is the kind of man 
to go and talk about it, and the quickest way to shut his 
mouth is to pay him the money. 

Fraw. That's my idea exactly. 

FiLB. Now when we buy in fifty thousand dollars worth 
with Oaks we can give him Jarvis's receipt for ten thousand, 
and forty thousand in cash, can't we .'' 

Fraw. {Grasping arm again). Why, of course we can 
— in a flash — in a fiash ! 

FiLB. Let's start at once. 

Fraw. Eh } 

FiLB. Draw a check this minute for ten thousand, and 
nail Jarvis ! {Business, starting R. to desk ; stopping, turn- 
ing back). 

Fraw. Eh ? 

FiLB. Why do you hesitate .'' You can certainly draw a 
check } 

Fraw. I can summon spirits from the vasty deep ; but 
will they come when I do summon them ? 

Filb. {Going to desk R.). Your business is to summon 
them. I'll vouch for their coming, 

Fraw. But 

File. ( Taking out check book, writes and reads'). " Pay 
to Doctor Jarvis, ten thousand dollars." Sign this. 

Fraw. You're crazy. How can I draw a check on a 
bank I've no account in .-* 

Filb. But you have an account there. Do you see this? 
( Writes out another check). " Pay to Makepeace Frawley, 
ten thousand dollars. Stuyvesant Filbert." This check I 
date to-day. You can deposit it in the morning. Your 
check is dated to-morrow ; so I can't take advantage of you. 
My only idea is to get square with Jarvis, for personal 
reasons. {Rising). To-morrow morning we meet at my 
lawyer's, draw up the terms of our agreement, and arrange 



52 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

for the investment of the other forty thousand dollars. 
{Going L. C). All you've got to do is to sign that check. 
{Hands hz'm the second check, arid waits for the other). 

Fraw. Is that all ! Well, I can't lose by it, that's one 
sure thing. 

FiLB. Lose by it! (Putting him in chair). It is what 
is known in classic parlance as a lead pipe cinch. 

Fraw. Here goes for the cinch ! {He writes his name 
to check). 

File. {Aside). It's done. My name doesn't appear, 
and she will have the money for Jarvis to-morrow. 

Fraw. {Hands check to Filbert). 

{Enter Mrs. Oaks, Z.). 

Mrs. O. (r<7 Frawley). Oh, Mr. Frawley, Mr. Oaks 
is asking for you. 

Fraw. Oaks ! Good ! Good ! I'll go to him at once ! 

{Exit Frawley), 

Mrs. O. {Hurrying down /<? Filbert). Well! 
FiLB. {HaJiding her the check). It's done ! Here ! 
Mrs. O. {Taking the check). What does this mean ? 
FiLB. Mr. Frawley has loaned us the money. 
Mrs. O. Mr. Frawley! Why— explain ! 
File. There is no time; I will explain after Jarvis is 
paid ! 

{Enter Mrs. Frawley). 

Mrs. F. Mr. Filbert, we won't wait for you any longer. 

I promised my guests you were going to sing for them. 

FiLB. Sing for them ! Of course I'll sing for them. 

{Links arms with both ladies, one on each side, 

and singittg " Punchinello " exits with them 

as the CURTAIN FALLS). 

END OF ACT II. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 53 



ACT II L 

SCEiVE : Luxuriously appointed private office of 
Dr. Jarvis. 0)1 a handsomely ortiamentcd 
table or dcsk^ stands a large music-box : 
also a silver fruit-dish containing apples, 
oranges, etc. 

DISCO VER : Dr. Jarvis, seated at his desk, up 
R. C. At rise of curtain Dr. Jarvis sounds 
bell. Enter Wilkins, C.from L. 

Dr. J. {Looking at his watch). Anybody else ? 
Wilkins. Only young Mr. What's-his-name, sir! 
Dr. J. Whom do you mean by young Mr. What's-his- 
name ? 
WiLK. Young Mr. Max something, Frawley. 
Dr. J. Show him in. 

{Exit Wilkins, C. to L.). 

(Dr. Jarvis writes silently at his desk for a minute'). 

{Enter Maximilian, C.from L.). 

Dr. J. {Looking up from his writing indifferently'). 
Ah, Maximilian ! How are you to-day? 

Max. {Timidly, down L. C). I'm all right. 

Dr. J. Oh, you're all right ! Then what brings you 
here .'* 

Max. {Still perplexed). 'Tis peculiar, isn't it. There's 
nothing the matter with me, but I want you to call on a 
friend of mine. 



54 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Dr. J. Who is he ? 

Max. It isn't a he at all, it's a lady. 

Dr. J. iChaffi-ngly). This is getting interesting. {^Ris- 
ing). Why, what's the trouble. Max } You look worried. 
Who is the lady } 

Max. I was calling on her just a little while ago, and 
she was suddenly overcome. 

Dr. J. From the effects of talking to you .'' 

Max. {Smiling sulkily). Ha! Ha! I wanted to rush 
out at once for a doctor, but sjie recovered in a fright, and 
said : " No, I hate doctors ! " But I made up my mind to 
come round and see you, and ask you to call on her with 
me. 

Dr. J. Who is she, Max ? 

Max. Miss Douglas, sir, Miss Mabel Douglas. 

Dr. J. I don't know her. (/;/ a tone of banter). What 
is she to you. Max .'' 

Max. Oh, nothing at all, sir. Nothing at all — yet. 

Dr. J. Yet ! Then you have hopes ? 

Max. Yes, sir. I have hopes. That's all. She is so 
lovely. Doctor. 

Dr. J. Enthusiastic, I declare ! 

Max. Never was before in all my life. 

Dr. J. How do you like it } 

Max. It makes me sort of blue. 

Dr. J. And bilious } 

Max. I guess so. 

Dr. J. Well, we'll see what can be done. {Sounds bell 
on table). I'll go with you. 

{Enter WiLKlNS, C). 

Dr. J, Wilkins, I'm going out. I shall not be in until 
three o'clock, and should any strangers call, I'm gone for 
the day. {Going up C). 

WiLK. Strangers, sir ? 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 55 

Dr. J. You know, — visitors who have not been here be- 
fore. 

WiLK. All right, Doctor. 

Dr, J. Set my table to rights. Come along, Mr. Fraw- 
ley. 

{Exit Dr. ]av.\\s followed by Maximilian C. to L.). 

WiLK. {Alone, fKJiibUng at desk). They're all invita- 
tions to dinners and parties. I'll be blessed if, I see how he 
finds time to attend to the sick folks. Look at his ofifice ! 
'Tain't like a ordinary, stick-to-business office of a doctor ! 
Here's a music-box! People think it's a 'lectric battery till 
he sets it going for 'em. {Sets it goitig. Picks up ati 
orange off desk, and starts peeling it). I might as well en- 
joy myself ! {Bell rings). Hello ! Visitors ! After office 
hours! {Goes outside C. Door heard opening. Music-box 
still playing fills up slight wait. Voices of OAKS, Fraw- 
LEY <^«^ WiLKINS). 

Oaks. {Outside). Then we'll wait. 

WiLK. {Outside). Three o'clock. 

Oaks. Don't care if it's thirteen o'clock! 

{Ejiter Oaks and Frawley, C. from L.). 

Fraw. I wish you would quiet down, Oaks ! I really 
have some important business propositions to make to you. 

Oaks. This is no place for a business proposition. 

Fraw. But you told me if I wanted to talk business 
with you, to come with you to the doctor's office. 

Oaks. That may be. But don't you see, Frawley, that 
I'm not in a condition of mind to talk business. Don't you 
see that .-* 

Fraw. Yes — but 

Oaks. Hang that music I {Stops it). 

Fraw. {Comittg do7vn L. C). It seems to me, Oaks 



S6 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

that I never want to talk business to you, but you're in a 
frightful, fidgetty, worrisome frame of mind. For good- 
ness' sake, Oaks, what ails you ! 

Oaks. {Going down R.). More troubles than any one 
man can stand. 

Fraw. {Sitting in ann-chair doivn L. C). Business 
troubles ? 

Oaks. If it were only that ! 

Fraw. Only that ! Why, isn't that your only trouble ? 

Oaks. Bah! 

Fraw. Why, " bah " ? 

Oaks. What's the use of pouring out my grievances to 
you, Frawley ; you wouldn't appreciate them, you wouldn't 
understand them, you are not built that way. 

Fraw. I want to be a comfort to you, Oaks ; but 

Oaks. Well, will you comfort me now to the extent 
of hiding your head somewhere, and not emerging till I 
whistle. 

Fraw. {Ri^es). That' is not respectful. Oaks. That's 
not treating my gray hairs with the consideration they de- 
serve. 

Oaks. Consideration be blowed ! Who considers my 
gray hairs? Vou don't, my wife don't, perhaps you think 
/le does ! 

Fraw. //e, who ? 

Oaks. That easy-going young traitor, whom, in a mo- 
ment of weakness, I brought into the bosom of my family. 

Fraw. You don't mean Filbert ? 

Oaks. Whom else should I mean ? 

Fraw. Jealous again ! Why, Oaks, Filbert's one of the 
finest fellows that ever set foot in New York. 

Oaks. Oh, you think so too, do you? One more of 
his dupes. That shows your sense. If I had your brains, 
Frawley, I'd take them out and have them dusted. 

Fraw. {Going to C). You'll be sorry some day for 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 57 

having spoken to me like this, Oaks. For I'm in a position 
now to help you— yes, kelp you, and financially, too. 

Oaks. Fiddledeedee ! 

Fraw. Not at all fiddledeedee. Fact ! 

Oaks. {Si'/s on sofa R. C, crosses his knees, and pays 
no attention to Frawley's words whatever). 

Fraw. You have often said to me, when I came to you 
and wanted you to go in with me on some scheme, to bring 
any money I had to invest to you. You could do more 
good with it in your business than any one else : Fve got 
money to put into your business, and Fm ready to put it 
into your business, and all 1 want is for you to arrange the 
terms; and Fll pull you out of any hole you may be in, no 
matter how deep it is. 

Oaks. {Who has not been listening). I should like to 
wring both their necks, beginning with the scoundrel who 
poisons my blood with his anonymous letters. 

Fraw. You need only say the word. 

Oaks. Damn ! 

Fraw. Thank you, but that's not the word I mean. 
How much money do you need.!* Would fifty thousand 
help you out ? 

Oaks. What on earth are you prating about .^ 

Fraw. I say, would fifty thousand dollars help you 
out? 

Oaks. Help me out of what? 

Fraw. Out of the hole. 

Oaks. Which hole ? 

Fraw. For goodness gracious sakes, Oaks, do come out 
of the clouds, I shall think you have lost your wits. 

Oaks. {Breaking out). I tell you, Frawley, any man 
who marries a wife a day younger than himself, is an idiot. 

Fraw. True— true— Oaks— but irrelevant. I am talk- 
ing dollars to you ! 

Oaks. And Fm talking sense to you! 



SS THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Fraw. Now, look here. Oaks ; if you're upset again 
about an anonymous letter, you deserve to be. I thought 
you had been cured of all that weakness, and I refuse to 
help you. But if it's money troubles, I'm ready, as I said 
before, to do business with you on terms of mutual profit. 

Oaks. What do you want me to do? Negotiate shares 
in a patent windmill for you, or float a papier mache circus — 
or what is it ? 

Fraw. I want you to let me put some money into your 
business. 

Oaks, Where are you going to get it } 

Fraw. I've got it. 

Oaks. In bonds — in real estate — or in poker chips ? 

Fraw. Money talks. Oaks. What will you say to me if I 
hand you Doctor Jarvis's receipt to-morrow, for the ten thou- 
sand dollars you owe him ? 

Oaks. {Seriously, rising). What is this? 

Fraw. You heard what I said. I'll bring you his receipt 
for ten thousand. I want to be credited with these ten 
thousand, then I'll talk terms with you. 

Oaks. Preposterous ! 

Fraw. Not at all ! It's business ! I mean to buy in 
with you. 

Oaks. With me ! Now look here, Frawley, I've been 
tight pressed for money ; but if you think that I would han- 
dicap myself with you as a partner, for any paltry fifty thou- 
sand dollars, or five hundred thousand dollars, you are a 
worse reader of human nature than even I supposed. There 
are some things in the world that are impossible, and you 
are one of them. 

Fraw. {Alarmed). Good land, man ! Don't talk like 
that ! You're upsetting all my plans. I've paid Doctor 
Jarvis ten thousand dollars already ! 

Oaks. I don't believe you ! 

Fraw. I can prove it ! 



I 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 



59 



And you won't be able to 



Oaks. Show me his receipt ? 

Fraw. I will to-morrow. 

Oaks. Show it me noia ! 

Fraw. I cant do it. 

Oaks, Of course you can't. 
do it to-morrow, or next day — or next year ! Frawley, 
there's no use my trying to talk sensibly to you. There 
are more side-lights to your brain than to a chandelier ; and 
you dazzle me. I'm off. {Crossing, L.). 

{Enter WiLKiNS, C.froni L.). 

Oaks. I'll be back in a little while, Wilkins. Tell the 
doctor — do you hear me — tell the doctor. And Frawley, 
ice your head! Wilkins, my friend Frawley is feverish; 
ice his head. 

{Exti Oaks, C. to Z.). 

WiLK. (7i7 Frawlev). Shall I ice your head ? 
Fraw. Ice your grandmother ! 
WiLK. All right sir ! 

{Exit Wilkins, C. to L.). 

Fraw. This is a pretty state of affairs ! I've bought in 
with Oaks, and he won't have it. I've paid ten thousand 
dollars to Jarvis for nothing ! Thank goodness it wasn't 
my money ! This is some trick of P'ilbert's. {Going L.). 
I'll get square on him ! But on second thoughts I don't 
know what I've got to get square on him for ! I've paid 
Jarvis with his money. If he can stand it, I can. 

{Enter Svi.viA .t;/^/ Wilkins, C). 

Fraw. Hello, Sylvia ! Have you seen Mr. Filbert this 
morning ? 



6o THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Syl. {Quickly). No, sir, and I don't want to see him. 

Fraw. He's not popular, but I've got to see him. 
Where's my hat.'* 

WiLK, On your head, sir ! 

Fraw. Of course ! Hang it on the rack for me, Wil- 
I<ins ! (WiLKiNS about to take it). Of course not, you 
idiot ! Didn't you hear me say I was going out ! 

{Exit Frawley, C). 

WiLK. {To Sylvia, looking after Frawley). It's 
spasms ! That's what it is, miss, spasms ! 

Syl. Where is the doctor } 

WiLK. Won't be home till three o'clock ! 

Syl. What time is it now } 

WiLK. Two something ! 

Syl. Thank you, Wilkins. I'll wait here. {Goes to doc- 
tor's desk and begins to write). 

WiLK. All right, miss; if you want anything, ring the 
bell, I'll be outside. 

Syl. I shan't want anything, thank you, Wilkins. 

WiLK. You can't tell, miss. Some folks is took with 
spasms ; there ain't no case of spasms that I can't treat. 
Them's my specialty. 

Syl. Thank you, Wilkins. 

{Exit WILKINS, C). 

Syl. {Alone). Spasms, indeed ! Not physical, but 
mental perhaps, when I think of that man. Yes, Mr. Filbert. 
There's no use deceiving myself, I do think of him a great 
deal. I can't make him out. {Takes apple from plate on 
the docto7-'s desk, and peels it). It's no use trying to dis- 
miss him from my mind, because I can't do it. Of course 
I would in a minute if I was firmly convinced that he had 
dismissed me from his ; but just as I'm about to make up 
my mind that he doesn't care whether I'm dead or alive, he 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 6i 

does some tender and sentimental thing that sets me back 
fcr a week. Yesterday I was fully resolved {eating apple) 
that all was over between us, and I had erased him from 
the tablets of my memory. This morning I received a box 
of lovely cut flowers from him, with his card, and the words 
" Ever the same " written above his name. Now " Ever 
the same. Stuyvesant Filbert," can only mean one thing ; 
because no man would say, " Ever the same, Stuyvesant Fil- 
bert " just to prove that he wasn't another man of the 
same nam.e— and if he is the same Stuyvesant Filbert who 
met me at Mrs. Frawley's that day, and said those sweet 
things about my hazel eyes, and chestnut hair, he's just as 
nice now as he was then — and he was nice then. Just 
the nicest man I had ever met in my life. {This speech 
she has spoke7t during the dividing and eating of the 
apple, having laid the peel 07i the desk. She now rises). I 
wish there was some test of a man's feelings ! {Seeing the 
peel). Oh ! they say if you throw an apple peel over 
your shoulder, the letter that it forms on the floor will tell 
you the initial of the man you're going to marry. It's non- 
sense, of course ! — but 1 just wonder Here goes 

(Takes peel, and comes do%un C. with it). 

" With my sharp heel three times I mark the ground," 

( Taps heel on ground). 
" And turn me thrice, around— around — around ! " 
( Turning as she speaks, and throwing the peel over her 
shoulder; then turning quickly to look). It's the letter S. ! 
S— S ! ! Stuyvesant — that's it — Stuyvesant ! (Joyously 
clapping her hands). Stuyvesant begins with an 8 ! I'll 
try it again ! ( Thro^v^ it over her shoulder again). S ! 
It's S again ! If it comes three times it's bound to be true ! 
{Throws peel violently over her shoulder, hitting, or all 
but hitting Stuwesant Filbert, w/i^ appears at door 
ushered in by W I L K I x S) . 



62 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Syl. {Startled). I beg your pardon. 
FiLB. Don't mention it. Do it again. 

{Exit WiLKINS, C). 

FiLB. Didn't expect to find you here. Fm all the more 
delighted, even if 1 did have things thrown at me when I 
came in. 

Syl. {Vety niiicli. embarrassed). I assure you, Air. 
Filbert, 1 had no intention of throwing anything at you. 
Fm awfully sorry. 1 beg your pardon. {Goaig to pick it 
uP). 

FiLB. Allow me. What is it.? {Picking it up). A 
snake .'' 

Syl. It's only apple peel. 

FiLB. So it is ! And may I ask what made you shed 
apple peel so violently .'' 

Syl. I was only trying an experiment. 

FiLB. What was the experiment.'' 

Syl. Just throwing the peel over my shoulder. 

File. What for.? 

Syl. W'hy, you know — nothing. Why, it's only some 
silly schoolgirl notion that came to me. 

File. Do tell me ! If there's one thing more than 
another that interests me, it's a silly schoolgirl notion. 

Syl. How many silly schoolgirls are you interested in ? 

FiLB. I haven't kept score. 

Syl. Of course not ! That's the trouble with you men 
— you don't keep a score of the silly girls you know, and 
you get one confused with the other. Now, I'm not so 
silly as some silly schoolgirls you know ; and I don't pro- 
pose to give you the opportunity of poking fun at me. So, 
if you'll please give me that peel, I'll put it on the plate and 
say no more about it. 

FiLB. Oh, no — I won't! I'll keep it as a souvenir. I'll 
label it " Specimen of feather, shed by bird of paradise." 

Syl. You'll do no such thing ! {Tries to get it). 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 63 

File. {Defeating her plan). Not till you tell me what 
you were doing. 

Syl, You know the old trick of throwing a peel over 
one's shoulder, and finding out by the letter that's formed in 
falling, who the man is you're going to marry. 

FlLB. Oh, that's it— is it.? So you threw the apple 
peel over your slioulder to find out whom you are going to 
marry. Singular. Well, what letter did it form.? 

SvL. I won't tell you. 

File. Do, please. 

SVL. (Hesitatingly). W. 

File. W ! Don't tell me you are going to marry a 
W! {Thinking). W ? Who can it be .? Not Wilkins .? 
{Latighs). 

Syl. {Going L.). Mr. Filbert, you are the most annoy- 
ing man I ever met in all my life ! 

File. ( JVith nioek sentimentality?^ Don't say that, Miss 
Sylvia. Don't with one heedless word, spoken in an idle 
moment, get me to lose confidence in my own amiability. 
Fd rather be thought annoying by any one in the world than 
you. Some day, when Fve twisted myself out of a lot of 
complications that are keeping me so feverish that I can't 
find the necessary repose, I will calmly, quietly, and col- 
lectedly tell you a story that will awaken you to a realizing 
sense of my great desire to be thought well of by you ! 
{Aside). Whew ! 

Syl. My ! What a sentence ! And you expect a silly 
schoolgirl to be able to follow all that, and make a sensible 
reply ? 

Filb. Not at all ! I've told you before Fve no ambi- 
tion to encounter anything sensible in our conversation. 
You don't know what a relief it is not to be compelled to 
talk sense all your life ! 

Syl. Oh, if you're looking for a perfect fool, I'm highly 
flattered that you've come to me ! 



64 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

FiLB. Talking about fools, have you seen Maximilian 
Frawley this morning ? 

Syl. I've not seen Mr. Maximilian Frawley this morn- 
ing, and I don't want to see him. {Going over R?j. 

FiLB. Fm sorry. I expected to find him at my hotel 
before I came away. 

Syl. {Sitting on arm of sofa). Mr. Maximilian Fraw- 
ley seems to enjoy a great deal of your confidence. 

FiLB. What makes you think so.? 

Syl. He's betrayed some of it— and about a silly school- 
girl too— no doubt — she must have been silly to have kept 
your portrait on her mantelpiece, and given it instead of 
her own to Maximilian. 

FiLB. {JV/io has been laughingly trying to interrupt 
her during the above ; nozu says seriously). Miss Sylvia, 
pardon me, but you must stop talking of that silly school- 
girl, as you call her. 

Syl. Because you care so much for her ? 

FiLB. Precisely. Because I care for her. More — well, 
almost more than for anybody in the world. 

Syl. ( With tears in her voice). In that case, of course, 
I beg your pardon. {Starting to go). 

FiLB. Oh — must you go? 

Syl. Yes. There's no advice you wish to give me. be- 
fore I go, is there ? 

File. {Holding up the peel). Oh, yes. Whatever you 
do, Miss Sylvia, don't marry a W. 

{Exit Sylvia in a huff). 

FiLB. {Alone, takes out his watcJi). It's three o'clock. 
{Voice ofDVi. JARVIS heard off, bidding good-by to SYhVlK) 

Here he is. 
{Enter Dr. Jarvis. The men exchange nods of recogni- 
tion^ 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 65 

P^lLn. I believe we had an appointment this afternoon. 

Dr. J. Yes, we had, but unfortunately {/ooTc/ng at his 
watch) I had forgotten a previous appointment, made with 
a lady. It is now three — she is likely to arrive at any mo- 
ment and interrupt us. Will you wait until she has gone, 
or will you return again ? 

FiLB. I will wait. {Indicating up stage). Shall I go 
into the parlor ? , 

Dr. J. {Aside). She is there ! {Aloud). No— into 
the library here — if you think you can amuse yourself. 

File. Fm sure I can. It takes very little to amuse me. 

{Exit FiLBKRT into library, L.). 
Dr. J. {Rings bell). 

{Enter WiLKlNS, Q. 
Dr. J. There is a lady waiting, show her in. 

{Exit WiLKiNS. Enter MRS. Oaks, C). 

IVlRS. O. {As Dr. Jarvis offers her a seat). No, thank 
you. I just wish to transact the business that brings me 
here. {Ope7iing her purse). 

Dr. J. You have succeeded in obtaining the money.? 

Mrs. O. Here is a check. {Handing it to him). 

Dr. J. {Reading check aloud) Signed by Mr. Fraw- 
ley ! This is singular ! I didn't think he was in any posi- 
tion to lend ten thousand dollars. 

Mrs. O. You will pardon me if I decline to carry on any 
discussion of the matter. If you will kindly give me a re- 
ceipt, I shall consider our business at an end. 

Dr. J. You will pardon me, if I am candid enough to 
hesitate about accepting Frawley's check, without an en- 
dorsement. 

Mrs. O. I don't understand you ! 



66 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Dr. J. Since you have divested this affair of all sentiment, 
and reduced it to mere business principles, I am privileged 
to decline accepting an uncertified check in liquidation of 
the debt you owe me. 

Mrs. O. What would you have me do } 

Dr. J. {Down R. C). I am not pressing you for the 
money. If this is not merely a make-shift, to gain time, Mr. 
Frawley will be willing to cash his own check. To-morrow 
will do — or next day— or in fact, any time most convenient to 
you. 

Mrs. O. You know that I promised to pay you the 
money to-day. Here it is. You have no right to doubt the 
value of this check. 

Dr. J. Forgive me for knowing a little more about busi- 
iness than you. 

Mrs. O. I can go to the bank, and have this check cer- 
tified. 

Dr. J. You can to-morrow ! It is too late to-day. 

Mrs. O. I will leave you this check. 

Dr. J. I decline to accept it. 

Mrs. O. I cannot understand your motive. I refuse to 
believe it is merely a business stand that you are taking. 

Dr. J. If doubts are in order, permit me to doubt that 
you received this money from Mr. Frawley. 

Mrs. O. Has he not signed his name ? 

Dr. J. Did you ask Mr. Frawley for the money ? 

Mrs. O. I am not to be interrogated on the subject. I 
have brought you the money. {Throwing check on desk). 
Good afternoon ! {Starts to go up C). 

(Sylvia speaks off). 

Syl. {Otitside). Iw/7/goin! {Ad lib business outside, 

Mrs. Oaks^^/^z.). 

{Enter Sylvia C), 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 67 

Syl. The idea of Wilkins trying to stop nic when 1 
wanted to see you, Doctor ! (Goiug familiarly to doctor). 
As if I didn't own the house and the doctor too, when I 
wanted them ! 

Mrs. O. What do you want, Sylvia ? 

Syl. I want to talk to you (to doctor) about Mrs. Fraw- 
ley's charade. I must know positively what dresses I am to 
get 

Dr. J. I am busy, Sylvia, just wait in the library for me, 
won't you, dear ! {Moving her off to library, L'.). 

Syl. But— I can't put my dressmaker off any longer. 
{Exit Sylvia into library, L.). 

Dr. J. {Coming quickly to Mrs. Oaks, iv/io has crossed 
R. C). And now, Mrs. Oaks — Evelyn — listen to me. You 
see your plan has failed. The money you said you would 
raise by three to-day, you have not raised. Let your failure 
serve as a token of success. It has enabled me to remain 
your creditor and one who will continue in silence to be 
your friend, through all time. Forgive me if yesterday, in 
my eagerness, I was too blunt. You know that those w'ho 
feel deeply, are the least apt to choose the phrases that best 
convey their feelings. If I have erred, it was in speech 
only. I shall always be in debt to you no matter under 
what obligations you have placed yourself 

Mrs. O. I will send my husband to you. {She starts 
to go). 

{Enter Oaks, C). 

Oaks. Your husband is here. 

Mrs. O. {/lurrying to him). I am so glad you have 
come ! 

Oaks. Indeed ! My presence here is not an intrusion .' 

Mrs. O. I don't understand you ! 

Oaks. I shall endeavor to make you understand me, 
madam. I have followed you here — — 



68 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Dr. J. {Starting np L.). Perhaps you would be more 
at your ease if I were permitted to withdraw. 

Oaks. {Down R. C, to hini). Stay where you are, Doc- 
tor, 1 am quite at my ease. More, I fancy, than will quite 
suit the plans and purpose of Mrs. Oaks. 

Dr. J. You speak in riddles, Mr. Oaks ! 

Oaks. Perhaps this will enable you to better understand 
me ! {Produces Jiote). 

Dr. J. {Takes note). Why, this is anonymous ! 

Oaks. It is. 

Dr. J. {Affecting indignatioji). And you have not 
allowed another anonymous letter to disconcert you } 

Oaks. That is not the question. I am here to have its 
meaning made clear. 

Mrs. O. Let me see it. 

Dr. J. {Uneasily). I shouldn't pay the slightest atten- 
tion to it, if I were you. {Tries to tear it). 

Mrs. O. {In tone of command). Don't destroy it ! 

Oaks. Give it to me ! {Takes it from him). 

Mrs. O. Let me see it ! Perhaps I know the writing. 
( With a look at the doctor). 

Oaks. That is a matter of small concern. 

Dr. J. I agree with Mr. Oaks, that is a matter of very 
small concern. The note itself is absolutely without mean- 
ing ; that is the main point. 

Oaks. Absolutely without meaning ! How do I know it 
is absolutely without meaning. {Turning to M.KS. OAK.S). 
Why have you come here ? 

Mrs. O. I don't understand your question. 

Dr. J. She has come to consult her physician, of course. 

Oaks. Mrs. Oaks knows that is not so. 

Mrs. O. {Aside). How much does he know ! 

Dr. J. Mr. Oaks, you surprise me ! 

Oaks. I have long doubted the ailments that caused my 
wife to make such frequent visits to her physician— I little 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 69 

thought that she would choose his office as a rendezvous 
for herself and her lover I 

Mrs. O. (^VVith h-e). You are forgetting yourself ! 

Oaks. Where is he } 

Dr. J. Of whom do you speak ? 

Oaks. Of the man whom she has come to meet. 

Mrs. O. I came to transact a matter of business with 
Doctor Jarvis ! 

Oaks. A matter of business indeed ! You cannot 
deceive me, madam. 

Dr. J. There is evidently some great mistake. 

Mrs. O. (Crossing to C). Then I shall explain it. 

Dr. J. (Nervous!}'). Explanations will only further com- 
plicate matters. 

Mrs. O. I tt'/// speak. Mr. Otiks, the object of my visit 
to Doctor Jarvis, was to restore to him the money which I 
borrowed for you last week. Is this not so "> (To doctor). 

Dr. J. It is quite so. 

Oaks. Ten thousand dollars } 

Mrs. O. Ten thousand dollars. 

Oaks. And where did you succeed in getting so large a 
sum of money, and why have I not been told of it } 

Mrs. O. One question at a time. My motive in saying 
nothing to you I will explain some other time — as for the 
source whence I obtained the money, the check I have 
tendered the doctor will speak for itself. (Takes check from 
desk and gi7.>es it to Oaks). 

Oaks. What is this ! Frawley's check for ten thousand 
dollars ! Preposterous ! It is not worth the paper it is writ- 
ten on ! 

Dr. J. That is precisely the point I was arguing with 
Mrs. Oaks when you arrived. 

Mrs. O. But surely Mr: Frawley would not have given 
me a spurious check ! 

Oaks. Who and what prompted you to hasten the pay- 



70 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

ment of this money to Doctor Jarvis ? And who and what 
prompted you to go to Frawley to get it ? 

Mrs. O. {Aside). What shall I say ? 

Oaks. You cannot answer! Then it is not to you I 
must look for my reply ! 

( Vo/ce of Filbert heard quarrellitig with Sylvia). 

{Ejitcr Filbert and Sylvia). 

File, {To Sylvia). You will know all about her some 

day ! 

Syl. Don't you ever speak another word to me '. I hate 

you ! 

FiLB. {Seeing the others). Ah— this is an unexpected 
pleasure. 

Oaks. {Aghast. 77; Filbert). May I ask, sir, what 
particular and especial business it is, that has concealed you 
in the doctor's apartments at this hour .'' 

FiLB. I don't know that I am obliged to tell you that ! 

Mrs. O. {Manifests her nervoicsness to Filbert). 

Oaks. Perhaps you can throw some light on this check ? 

Filb. {Reads). " Pay to Doctor Jarvis or order ten 
thousand dollars. Signed, Makepeace Frawley." How does 
that concern me } 

Oaks. It does concern you ! I am not blind, sir ! 

{Enter Frawley, listens to cojiversation). 

Oaks. Your presence here and this check have some 
connection. What it is rests for you to explain ! 

Fraw. {Coming down). Let me explain. 

Oaks. (Putting him aside). Pardon me, but I wish to 
hear from Mr. Filbert. 

Fraw. But that's my check ! 

Oaks. Your check ! Why, your check isn't worth 
t)eans ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 71 

Fraw. {Getting a)tgr)'). Not wortli beans ! I'll bet ten 
thousand dollars it's worth beans ! Tell them, Mr. Filbert, 
don't let them disparage my credit like this. 

File. Well, if Mr. Frawley insists upon having it told, I 
am willing. I didn't wish to expose his private affairs — I 
loaned him the money. 

Oaks. You did ! And you followed him here, I sup- 
pose, to see him pay it to Doctor Jarvis } 

File. I came here to demand an mterview with Doctor 
Jarvis. (Crossing to doctor who is at desk). He has disap- 
pointed me, and I must insist now on his being at my hotel 
at eight this evening. {Gives him card). 

Dr. J. Pardon me upon insisting on an explanation 
here and now. If my office has been used as a rendez- 
vous, I have a right to know it. 

File. What do j'ou mean } 

Dr. J. Mr. Oaks, allow me ! (Mr. Oaks holds out 7iote 
to Filbert). 

File. An anonymous note ! (Treads). " She will meet 
him at Doctor Jarvis's office at three to-morrow." 

Oaks. Now perhaps you will say that your being here 
with Mrs. Oaks is merely an accident ; and that your lend- 
ing Mr. Frawley ten thousand dollars to be given to Mrs. 
Oaks, is another accident. 

File. I know that writing ! {Puts note on desk). 

Dr. J. Well, sir ! 

File. (Aside). He is trying to compromise her ! 
(Aloud). No, gentlemen— since you have driven me to the 
wall, I must confess. 

Mrs. O. (Aside). What will he say ? 

File. I was reluctant about making this confession in 
public, but since I am compelled, all the better that it 
should be made in the presence of the relatives of Miss 
Sylvia Oaks. 

All. What do vou mean ! 



7i2 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

FlLB, I hope you will not blame me, Mr. Oaks, for 
showing what must have appeared a strange interest in your 
affairs, when I tell you that I love your sister Sylvia, and 
ask her hand in marriage. 

Oaks. {Surprised.) Sir ! 

(Sylvia vianifcsts amazement). 

Dr. J. But this note, sir ! Explain ! 

FiLB. She will meet him at three o'clock in Doctor Jar- 
vis' office .'' Well, she has kept her appointment ; she has 
met him, hasn't she ? But it was mean, Doctor, of some- 
body, to have betrayed us ! Wasn't it ! {Slaps him on 
shoulder. Picture). 

CURTAIN. 

END OF ACT III. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 73 



ACT IV. 

SCENE : Filbert's apartments at his hotel. 
At rise of eiirtain the stage is clear. After a tno- 

ment enter Mrs. Oaks and MRS, Frawley, 

R. 2 E. 

Mrs. F. You are with me, Mrs. Oaks, so don't be ner- 
vous. 

Mrs. O. It is very easy for you not to be nervous ; but if, 
under the circumstances I have described to you, a gentle- 
man had suddenly proposed for the hand of your ward, 
you'd be a little nervous hunting him up yourself. 

Mrs. F. I have every confidence in Mr. Filbert. When 
he sent for me to call on him, and said if I did not find 
him in, to wait, I took it for granted that there were reasons 
why he couldn't call on me. 

{Enter Mabel Douglas, Z. 2 £".). 

Mabel Douglas. {About to remove her bonnet). Oh, 
I beg pardon. One of these ladies must be the one Mr. Fil- 
bert was expecting. Won't you be seated .'' {Both ladies are 
surprised). My name is Mabel — Mabel Douglas. No doubt 
Mr. Filbert has told you who I am. {Both ladies continue 
to exchaitge looks). One of you ladies is Maximilian's 
mother. That's you. {Referring to MRS. Frawley). 
Of course ! {Going to her and putting her in chair R. of 
table). I have so often wanted to know you, but both Mr. 
Filbert and Maximilian said that would come in due time. 
Of course Maximilian has spoken to you about it. 

Mrs. F. About what } (Mrs. O.goes up R. C, looking 
off R. U. E. tiervoiisl}'). 



74 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

Mab. About us, 

Mrs. F. Who am I to take to be— us? 

Mab. Why, Maximilian and me. 

Mrs. F. This is very singular, Miss Douglas. But he 
hasn't said a word. 

Mab. {Smiling). That's just like Max. Mr. Filbert al- 
ways says there's no knowing what Max will do, or what he 
wont do. I should have thought he would have told his 
mother, the first thing. 

Mrs. F. Told his mother what ? 

Mab. That he had obtained Mr. Filbert's consent. 

Mrs. F. Consent to what .? 

Mab. Why — whj? — to our engagement. 

Mrs. F, Whose engagement ? 

Mab. Maximilian's engagement to me ! 

Mrs. O. (Coming down R. Taking sudden part in the 
conversation). What has Mr. Filbert to do with the matter, 
that his consent should be necessary ? 

Mab. Oh, perhaps I ought to have begun at the begin- 
ning, but I thought surely yon knew all about Mr. Filbert 
before you came. Mr. Filbert is my father. 

Mrs. O. Your what ! 

Mab. Not my real, sure, father — but the only father I 
ever knew. He brought me up. He's been the kindest, 
sweetest father any girl ever had in the world. But I 
thought, of course, you knew all about this. 

Mrs. O. (T'^? Mrs. Frawley). This is certainly news 
to me, Mrs. Frawley, is it not to you ? 

Mrs. F. It is in part — not altogether. (Introdneing). 
Miss Douglas, this is Mrs. Oaks. 

Mab. (Innocently glad going to MRS. O., /?.). Oh, Mrs. 
Oaks, you are the lovely lady Mr. Filbert has so often 
spoken to me about. Sure enough, you have hazel eyes 

Mrs. O. Yes— and chestnut hair. 

Mae. I have often been jealous of you ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 75 

Mrs. O. Indeed ! 

Mab. Yes, for you've no idea how many, many tinges 
Mr. Filbert has spoken about you. Oh, he'll be so pleased 
to see you when he comes. He's gone to get some papers 
to give Doctor Jarvis. He won't be long. 

Mrs. F. To give Doctor Jarvis } 

Mab. Yes. (^Gocs up C. Takes flowers from mantel, 
puts in vase on table up Z.). 

Mrs. F. {Aside to Mrs. O. Rising and going to her). 
Do you know who Doctor Jarvis is } Her father ! 

Mrs. O. {Surprised). No ! 

{Enter Maximilian, R. U. E). 

Max. Hello, mother ! What are you doing here } 
Mrs. F. That's what I should like to ask of you } 
Max. Why, you know. At least you ought to know — 

but, on second thoughts, how should you ? You would never 

hsten to me when I wanted to talk to you about these 

things. 

Mab. I have told your mother all about it, Max. 

Max. {Going up to her, C). How good of you, Mabel, 

it has saved me a deal of trouble. 

Mrs. F. {Crossing L.). You call it trouble, do you ? 

My boy, your trouble has only just begun. 

(Max. is talking to Mabel). 

{Enter Filbert, R. U. E., with papers). 

File. Hello — how's everybody ! 

Mab. {Running to him and embraciiig him). Papa 
Stuyve ! 

File. {Embarrassed). You mustn't, Mabel. 

Mab. Why not ? 

File. To be embraced by a young lady in the presence 
of other young ladies ; and to be called papa in this reckless 
fashion, may cut off all sorts of future possibilities ! 



76 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Mab. I don't understand you. 

Mrs. F. Don't distress yourself, Mr. Filbert; your daugh- 
ter has told us all. 

FiLB. Impossible ! She couldn't have told you all. She 
doesn't know all herself. {To Mabel, w/io has joined 
Max). Mabel ! 

Mab. {ComiJig down a trifle). Yes, papa Stuyve ! 

FiLB. Don''t ! Mabel, I see you have lassoed Maximil- 
ian ! 

Mab. Yes, papa Stuyve ! 

FiLB. Don't! Take Maximilian softly by the hand, 
and lure him into the adjoining room. I v^ant to talk with 
his mother. 

Mab. Yes, papa Stuyve ! 

FiLB. Dont! 

Mab, Come along, Max ! 

{Exeunt Max rt«^ Mabel, L. U. E.). 

File. Does Mrs. Oaks know who the young lady is, 
who calls me " papa Stuyve " .'' 

Mrs. F. I have told her. 

Filb. Good — then you know that "papa" is a title I 
have not earned, only acquired. 

Mrs. O. I do ! You may remember, or perhaps you 
have forgotten, that at about half-past three this afternoon, 
you asked the hand of my sister-in-law in marriage. 

Filb. True enough ! So I did ! 

Mrs. O. And immediately thereupon, you disappeared ! 

Filb. That's so — isn't it ! You can imagine how busy 
I've been. 

Mrs. O. Mr. Oaks has been cross-examining me ever 
since, and Sylvia, on being asked point blank by my husband 
whether she really wanted to marry j'ou, answered that she 
would not have you, if there wasn't another man on earth. 

Filb. You don't mean it ! 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 77 

Mrs, O. Mr. Oaks is coming here to see you and in 
view of this, I have prevailed upon Mrs. Frawley to come 
with me and pay you this visit. You are forewarned — 
consequently, I trust, forearmed, and my duty is fulfilled. 
{^Starting to go). 

FiLB. {In comic fright). Surely you don't intend to 
let me cope with this situation single-handed ! 

Mrs. O. I certainly do ! 

FiLB. Then say at least, that I have your consent to 
marry Sylvia. 

Mrs. O. I will not answer that question, until Sylvia 
asks my consent to marry jv// .'' 

File. Oh ! 

Mrs. O. Which, as you know, she never will do. 

File. Well, this is a nice condition of affairs. 

Mrs. F. And now it is my turn. 

File. Et tu, Brute ! 

Mrs. F, {Leaning over table towards hint). Do you 
think it is right to let Maximilian entangle himself in a love 
affair, without giving me some idea of it first ? 

FiLB. What good would it have done to have given you 
an idea of it .'* 

Mrs. F. Has a mother no rights over her son ? 

FiLB. Not over such a son. 

Mrs. F, What do you mean ? 

FiLB. I mean some sons are not good for anything in 
the world but to get married. 

Mrs. F. {Rising). Sir ! 

FiLB. What good on earth would Mr. Frawley have 
been, if he hadn't married J'^jk.^ 

Mrs. F. Mr. Gilbert ! 

FiLB. And your son takes after his father! 

Mrs. F. {Going around back of table). I will send 
Mr. Frawley to you ; you and he can argue it out together. 

FiLB. Don't — please don't ! You don't know how diffi- 



78 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

cult it is to argue with Mr. Frawley, it's like carrying on a 
conversation in a foreign language. 

{Ejitcr Frawley, R. U. E.). 

Fraw. Ah, he's at home. How are you, Filbert! 
What ai^ you doing here, Mrs. Frawley .'' Ah, Mrs. Oaks ! 

Mrs. F. Mr. Filbert wants to talk to you about Maximil- 
ian. 

Fraw. (Coming down, R.). Maximilian be blowed ! 
I've come here on business ! 

Mrs. F. {To Mrs. Oaks.) Come along, Mrs. Oaks, if 
these gentlemen are going to talk business, this is no place 
for us ! 

Mrs. O. Good-bye, Mr. Filbert ! We will drop in 
by-and-by, after you have seen Mr. Oaks. 

FiLB. Thank you ! 

{Exeunt Mrs. Oaks a7id Mrs. Frawley, R. U. E.) 

Fraw. Sit down, Mr. Filbert. I want some of your 
time. 

FiLB. Can't you take it standing.^ 

Fraw. No, sir. I want to tackle you from Alpha to 
Omega. When a man gets another to sign a check 

FiLB. Hold on. Your son Maximilian 

Fraw. Will you stop throwing that son of mine in my 
teeth ! 

FiLB. Your son Maximilian wants to get married. 

Fraw. He's a d d fool ! 

FiLB. He says you owe him some money, and he must 
have it. 

Fraw. The impertinent brat ! Does he dare dun his 
father ! 

FiLB. He says that you've put him off with promises 
from day to day, and if he can't get you to stump up now 
that he needs the money to get married, he'll bring suit. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 79 

Fraw, Bring- fiddle-sticks ! Does he forget I'm his 
father ? {Crossing L.). I'll pay him when 1 get ready. 
Do you understand ? 

P'lLB. When will that be ? 

Fraw. Mr. Filbert, you annoy me — do you understand ? 
— you worry me! Fve not come here to be worried! I 
want to speak to you about those checks! 

FlLB. Let us dispose of Maximilian's matter first. 

Fraw. What's Maximilian to you ? 

FiLB. I want him for a son-in-law ! 

Fraw'. Whose father's daughter do you want him to 
marry, to make him your son-in-law ! 

FlLH. My father's son's daughter by adoption. 

P'raw'. Draw me a diagram please, {JtamltJig Jiiin lead 
pencil) and I'll understand you. 

FiLi;. I have an adopted daughter, who is foolish 
enough to care for your son. 

Fraw. She must have graduated from the same brain 
department. 

FiLB. I won't let her marry him, until he has some 
money, so he's waiting for what you owe him. 

(Frawley enraged, tries to speak. SpeecJiless with rage). 

FiLR. Now you've got ten thousand in the bank 

Fraw. At last you're beginning to talk sense ! 

FiLB. You shall make your son, Mr. Frawley, a wedding 
present of those ten thousand dollars. 

Fraw. Never ! 

FiLB. Oh yes. Be reasonable. The money isn't yours. 

Fraw. What of it? 

FiLB. Then you can certainly afford to give it away. 

Fraw. You're trying to make a fool of me. 

FiLB. That would be impossible. 

Fraw. You made me sign a check that couldn't be 
used, for a consideration that I couldn't claim, and now you 



8o THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

want me to give away this consideration when I tell you it 
isn't mine. What kind of a catch-as-catch-can game are 
you playing with me ? 

FiLB. Don't you see that by a roundabout way I want 
to put money in your son's pocket, to enable him to marry 
my adopted daughter ? 

Fraw. Well, let me understand. If I make my son a 
present of that money which doesn't belong to me, you'll get 
his receipt in full for all claims, real or imagined, he holds 
against his father up to date } 

FiLB. That's the idea. 

Fraw. Well, I'll do it. 

FiLB. I thought you would be reasonable. 

Fraw. I can't lose by it. At least I don't t/ihik I can 
lose by it. {Arguing it out with hi)nself, exits). 

{Servant having previously entered with card ; F I L- 
BERT takes card, nods to servant and goes to 
desk and writes. Exit servant.) 

{Enter Dr. Jarvis, R. U.E.). 

Dr. J. Mr. Filbert. 

FiLB. Ah, Doctor Jarvis ! 

Dr. J. I am here, Mr. Filbert, to demand that explana- 
tion from you which I was unable to obtain this afternoon 
at my office. 

FiLB. That suits me exactly. Won't you sit down ? 

Dr. J. {Sitting R.). To the point, at once 1 I refuse 
to accept the solution you gave to the situation this after- 
noon. I know that the money loaned for the payment of 
those ten thousand dollars to me, came from you ! 

FiLB. Indeed ! And what then ? 

Dr. J. I think too highly of Mrs. Oaks to allow her to 
be compromised by you ! 

FiLB. Since when has Doctor Jarvis become a defender 
of reputations .'' You mustn't affect this spirit of badinage 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 8i 

with me. (Dr. J. iurtts to him). There was a small boy 
once, who caught a fish, and as he dangled it, he exclaimed : 
" My, little fish, what a good time we are going to have to- 
gether ! " "Together?" cried the fish. "Not for me!" 
and it simply disentangled itself, and flopped back into the 
sea. Now I'll give you the choice of two things— for 
I might as well tell you that you are the fish : we can have 
fun together— or you can flop back into the sea. But you 
must choose quickly. 

Dr. J. If you knew me better, Mr. Filbert, you would 
know that this flippant vein of yours can have no effect on me ! 

FiLB. Doctor Jarvis, not only do I know you — but I can 
follow your career back to the time you were a student. It 
was in those days you became acquainted with Nellie Doug- 
las. 

Dr. J, And what then! {Ncrvotisly). 

FiLB. Ah, the fish approaches the hook ! Nellie Douglas 
came to you, a patient. She left you, a broken-hearted 
woman. 

Dr. J. Who has told you this ? 

FiLB. The fish is caught! Nellie Douglas told me her 
story in San Francisco — how she was ensnared by you into 
what she believed a marriage. How, after a few months, 
when you had grown tired of her, and found other fashion- 
able patients with whom you could " sympathize " you told 
her that your marriage was all a sham, and that you had been 
married before, and to convince her produced a certificate 
antedating your marriage with her. Nellie Douglas, instead 
of prosecuting you for bigamy, left you in despair, died 
broken-hearted, and bequeathed her child to me. 

Dr. J. {Rtsmg). Her child ! My God, man ! Where 
have you heard this ? 

FiLB. I have brought her up as my own. She has never 
known her father so that her young heart has never learned 
to hate the man who wronged her mother. 



82 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Dr. J. Where is this girl ? 

FiLB. You were summoned to her side yesterday during 
my absence by young Frawley. 

Dr. J. That beautiful girl.? My daughter — my child ! 

FiLB. Yes, but only in name. 

Dr. J. She is my child ! I was married to Nellie Doug- 
las. The certificate that I produced in order to make her 
cancel her marriage was only 

FiLB. Only a cheat ! Ah ! We've got it at last ! 

Dr. J. I— I— didn't say that ! 

FiLB. But I did ! I hold the spurious document which 
your wife gave me on her death-bed. I have examined the 
register. I find no such marriage recorded. The lie that 
rid you of your lawful wife is exposed — and now, Mr. Fish, 
will you dangle, or will you withdraw into the sea ? 

Dr. J. You have proved that I am the lawful father of 
that child, and I now claim her from you. 

File. {Risztig). Not so fast ! Before you deserted 
Nellie Douglas, you obtained — by a forged order — the money 
left her by her father ; five thousand dollars — which belongs 
to her child. 

Dr. J. {Sneering). Go on. 

FiLB. I have prepared a document which I want you to 
sign. I want to be constituted the legal, as I am already 
the established guardian, of Mabel Douglas. After you 
have signed this, I demand that you refund to your daugh- 
ter the dowry of her mother ; the five thousand dollars that 
started you on your fashionable career. 

Dr. J. If I refuse } 

FiLB. You do so as a forger ! {Doctor starts). If you 
accept, you do so as a friend and well wisher, and as a wise 
fish that knows its own sea. 

Dr. J. Shall I be denied the right of claiming my own 
child ? 

FiLB. ( With genuine touch of sentiment). Doctor Jar- 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 83 

vis, let me appeal to that one spark of manhood which must 
survive in you in spite of all. You, and this innocent girl, 
have never known each other in the relation of father and 
daughter. Her heart has been won by others whom she 
love's, and who lovelier. Why should her life be blighted 
now, with a knowledge that could not come to her save 
with bitterness } 

(Dr. J., evidently moved, crosses afid si/s at desk ; writes. 
Business of Filbert motioning Mabel on). 

{Enter INIabel). 

FiLB. Little girl, this gentleman has just been very kind 
and good to you. 

Mab. Doctor Jarvis? 

FiLB He knew your mother very well, and cared tor 
her very very much. As an old friend of your mother's, 
he wants to see you happily provided for, and he has just 
presented you with a large sum of money, which 1 shall keep 
for you as a wedding present. (//.A//;/^ Mabel). He .s 
eoing to leave the city, so you won't be able to see hmi agam. 
So thank him for his kindness, and wish him a safe journey. 

Mab Oh '^ir, I thank vou so much ! If my dear mother 
were alive she would thank and bless you too. {Rtins to 
him and kneels to Jiini). 

Dr. J. {Overcome ; presses her head, rises, points to doc- 
uments on the desk for Filbert to see). 

{Exit DOCTOR jARVis, R. U. E. Mabel crossing to door 
R. U. E., looks after him). 
FILB. {After paused. And the fish fell back into the sea. 

{Enter OAKS, R. U. E.). 
OAKS. I hope I 'm not interrupting a delightful family 

scene. 
File. Not at all. 



84 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

{Enter Max, L. U. E). 

Max. May I come in ? 

Oaks. {Bows). I came to see 

FiLB. Yes, I know. You needn't go, children. We'can 
combine business with pleasure. Mr. Oalis wishes to talk 
to me on a matter that's going to interest us all/ 

Oaks. I don't understand. 

FiLB. Let me conduct the case, Mr. Oaks. The first 
question you are going to ask me is : Why I loaned Mr. 
Frawley those ten thousand dollars which Jarvis declined } 
Those ten thousand dollars are now the property of Mr. 
Maximilian Frawley ; it is to serve him after all, that the 
whole scheme was cooked up by Mr. Frawley. He wanted 
me to help him buy into your business, that his son Maxi- 
milian might be restored to his place. 

Oaks. All on account of Maximilian ! 

FiLB. Yes. There stands the hero. 

Max. (Proudly to Mabel). Here stands the hero. 

FiLB. And the next question you are going to ask, is: 
Why my interest in Maximilian? He is going to marry my 
adopted daughter. 

Oaks. Your adopted daughter! 

FiLB. Miss Mabel Douglas. And now, Mr. Oaks, if you 
will entertain it, I am prepared to make you a business propo- 
sition on behalf of my future son-in-law, tending to his secur- 
ing a foothold in the firm of Abram Oaks & Co. 

Oaks. This sounds something like sense. I couldn't un- 
derstand the thing at all from the way old Frawley put the 
case the other day. 

FiLB. That's his trick of muddling things. 

Oaks. And now Mr, Filbert, there remains one point 
more. 

FiLB. Oh, yes. I divine that. Perhaps we might as 
well discuss that between ourselves. Mabel, dear, if you 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 85 

could find something to do, that would enlist the joint ser- 
vices of Maximilian 

Max. ( IVilh a gleam of intelligaice), I understand. 
You want us to go. 

FiLB. How quick he is to take a hint ! 

Mab. All right, papa Stuyve. {Ei)ibraces hivi). 

(At the embrace, enter Sylvia, A'. U. E. She sta7ids at 
back). 

{Exeunt Max and Mabel). 

Syl. Abram, Evelyn's downstairs, and sent me up to 
find you. I don't know why. 

FiLB. I wonder if I could guess? 

Syl. ( Turns up her nose and walks by hint, R. U. E.). 

Oaks. Mr. Filbert, Sylvia is, as you know, the subject 
we were about to discuss. (Pause). Shall we continue ? 

Syl. Fd rather not be discussed by Mr. Filbert. 

FiLB. I did myself the honor of asking Sylvia's hand in 
marriage. I am anxiously awaiting your consent. 

Oaks. What do you say, Sylvia } 

Syl. I have already told you my answer. 

Oaks. In that case, Mr. Filbert, there is nothing for me 
to do. 

File. Yes, there is. 

Oaks. What.? 

FiLB. You won't be offended if I tell you ? 

Oaks. Certainly not ! 

FlLB. Disappear ! 

Oaks. Disappear } 

FiLB. Yes — into the adjoining room. Here's a news- 
paper. Baseball — politics — the tariff bill — divorce suits — all 
sorts of cheerful things. The Giants are way ahead— but 
maybe you don't care for baseball ? 

(Oaks laughs and exits, R.) 



86 THE CLUB FRIEND; 

Syl. {Alar vied, starts to rim after him. FiLBERT 
catches her by the skirt and detains her). 

Syl. Let go of my dress. 

File. Not until you promise you won't run off. 

Syl. I promise nothing. Release me ! 

FiLB. You are released — but I conjure you remain ! 

Syl. You think that sounds impressive, don't you .'' But I 
refuse to be conjured ! 

Filb. Then I beseech! 

Syl, 1 refuse to be beseeched ; I mean besought ! 

FiLB. Then I implore you to remain! 

Syl. What do you want me to remain for.-" 

FiLB. For ever ! 

Syl. You think because you can say odd and unexpected 
things that you can trample upon one's feelings and then 
frolic one back into good humor— but you can't with me. 
I have discovered the kind of man you are, and I never want 
to speak to you again ! (Goes up R. C). 

Filb. So I have understood ! Theoretically, we have 
parted forever ; you go your way, and I mine ! Theoreti- 
cally I am unworthy ever again to face those smiling eyes — 
theoretically. But practically, Sylvia, there is a mistake 
somewhere, and we must find it and correct it; and, as the 
dentists say, extract it without pain to the sitter. 

Syl. It's not only one mistake; there are twenty. In 
fact, for fear I might forget them, I have written them all 
down on a sheet of paper, so no blandishments of yours will 
avail to wipe them out ! {Takes out folded sheet of tinted 
note paper) . 

Filb. Let me see them. 

Syl. No ! 

Filb. They can't be very terrible if you need a written 
document to refresh your memory. 

Syl. Not to refresh my memory — but to hold me to my 
purpose. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 87 

FiLB. Name a few of my crimes. Begin with the worst 
ones. 

Syl. (Sii/ing L. of table). The greatest of all is your 
confession that you cared for some one else. 

File. Yes.? 

Syl. Whom I saw you embracing as I entered the room ! 

FiLB. Oh, you saw me embracing her."* 

Syl. Yes. 

FiLB. That is the young lady who is going to marry 
Maximilian Frawley. She is my adopted daughter, 

Syl. Max — your — adopted — daughter ! Is that the 
truth ? 

FiLB. It is, Sylvia. 

Syl. Well, then, for No. 2. When you met me at Doc- 
tor Jarvis's (suddenly getting back) — why didn't you tell 
me about this before ? 

Filb. Because I was trying to find the girl's real father. 

Syl. And did you find him .'' 

Filb. [After a pause). No! 

Syl. Well, then, for No. 3 on my list. 

Filb. We haven't had number two yet ! 

Syl. I forgot ! But tell me — were you very fond of her 
— your adopted daughter ? 

Filb. Very, very fond — as your father must be of you, 

Syl. Only as a father ? 

Filb. Why, of course, you silly little thing! 

Syl. Well, then, for No. 4. 

Filb. No, I refuse to be jumped from No. i to No. 4. 
You had better consult that list ; in fact, it will save time for 
me to consult it myself, ( Takes it from her). 

Syl. (After an attempt at resisting, resigned). I don't 
retract any of those charges ! (Goes dowji L.). 

Filb. Why, this is a funny sort of list ! (Reads). "Dear 
Mrs. Frawley." 

Syl. What's that } (In alarm). 



88 THE CLUB FRIEND ; 

FiLB. " As I first met Mr. Filbert through your introduc- 
tion, I must take you into my confidence " 

Syl. Give me back that letter ! 

FiLB. {Cotitinues reading). " I shall never in my life 
care for another man as I care for him." 

Syl. {Ge/s the letter). I must have sent Mrs. Frawley 
the list by mistake ! 

FiLB. {Embracing her). Not by mistake. On purpose 
to let me hear your own sweet confession ! Sylvia, from 
the first moment I set eyes on you, I felt for you a tender 
sympathy deeper than words can tell you. 

Syl. Is that true } 

File. I love you and want you to be my little wife. 
Sylvia, will you take me for your very own } 

Syl. (Jiesitating .) I-d-d don't know — I think 

FiLB. Let me hold you tight, while you're thinking. {Em- 
braces her). 

{Enter Mrs. Frawley, R. U. E.). 

Mrs. F. I beg your pardon ! 

Both. Mrs. Frawley ! 

Mrs. F. I received a mysterious letter at the house, just 
now — not signed. I can't make it out at all, but as it has 
your name on it, Mr. Filbert, I thought you might explain. 

File. (Taking paper from Mrs. Frawley). It's my 
list of crimes against Sylvia— for all of which I now atone. 
[Embracing her). 

Mrs. F. Indeed, I congratulate you. 

{Enter Mrs. 0.\ks). 

Mrs. O. Where is Mr. Oaks ? 

FiLB. Been, and gone, and left me Sylvia. Have I your 
consent ? 

Mrs. O. You know what I told you— not until Sylvia 
shall ask for it. 



OR, A FASHIONABLE PHYSICIAN. 89 

FiLB, Sylvia, repeat what I shall say. "Evelyn, I love 
Mr. Filbert, may I have him for keeps ? " 

Syl. Evelyn — (Pause). Those are my sentiments. 
(Filbert kisses her behind her hat which he lifts off her 
head. OAKSjoi/!s Mrs. Oaks, Frawley has entered at 
back with Max and Mabel — Picture). 



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